The Bible College Spinster: Living Deliberately

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The word “intentionally” gets thrown around a lot in the church today. “We’re loving intentionally,” “I’m pursuing this relationship intentionally,” “I’m intentionally praying that…”

We use it so much, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning. It just means there is purpose to something, right? So why are we using the word without purpose?

We all have purpose for doing things, especially things we have been convicted to do.

In this quest to pursue biblical personhood over biblical woman or wifehood, I’ve mentioned trying to wring this season dry. Part of that pursuit has been doing.

Just doing. Anything and everything, saying no to nothing.

This has lead to weekends in Chicago and Austin, three conferences in a month, an opportunity to produce a video, an agreement to be a plenary speaker at my favorite conference, a fantastic concert, 3 bridal showers, 2 bachelorettes, numerous nights out with friends from all over the state, and some wonderful conversations.

But fast-forward to now and you have one tired girl here.

I’m not saying the past two months have not been wonderful. I would not trade them for anything.

I will say that they have not been filled with the most intention.

It looks like a woman sleeping until noon after weeks and weeks of going, going, going. It looks like a writer who hasn’t written anything but blog posts in a month. It looks like a woman who hasn’t made space for silence and beginning to feel the effects of not spending time with the Father. It looks like an introvert with nothing left to give except the motions.

In my pursuit of intentionally living into my singleness, I somehow lost the meaning of that word. Somehow, the word mutated to mean, “do everything because you’re single.” The purpose was lost and the fatigue set in.

-In a time where the next big -next- is allusive and vague, I want to embrace where I am, but not as a frantic pursuit of anything that might be out there.Realizing this, I have been using a new word: deliberately.

I am deliberately trying to suss out a place and a purpose in this season. In a time where the next big “next” is allusive and vague, I want to embrace where I am, but not as a frantic pursuit of anything that might be out there.

Right now, deliberate looks like making time and physical space for quiet. It looks like moments scheduled to write. It looks like reaching out to voices of wisdom in my life regularly for accountability and insight.

It looks like slowing down and taking stock of what is important and what is here in the now.

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