Lex’s World – Page 7 – Alexis De Weese

Bible College Spinster

Posted on April 25, 2016April 28, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Creative Nonfiction, Lex's World, Singleness, Writing Samples

A couple weeks ago, I talked about how I’d like to start posting monthly writing samples. Blogging has always been practice of the craft for me and this week I’m stretching out a little. This is the start of what may be a blog series or may be a larger project. I’m not sure where this is headed, but I’m sharing it anyway. Enjoy!

I knew pretty early on that I did not want to get married right out of college.

During jr. high youth group one night, they split the guys off from the girls and panel of women talked with us about purity. As part of the introduction, they each shared how they had met their husbands.

“We met in our biology class in college.”

“He lived on the floor below me in our dorm.”

“We were introduced the first day of our freshman year.”

I distinctly remember thinking, that is a boring love story. I want to meet someone in a cool way. After school. After backpacking through Europe.”

Backpacking through Europe was the epitome of adulthood in my thirteen year old mind. I had just read Maureen Johnson’s 13 Little Blue Envelopes and knew that was the goal after college. NOT getting married. I wanted to live a little first.

And that was that. Until I encountered the horror of a freshman girl’s dormitory.

I never had questioned my dating status, let along my marital status until my first night at college when the question was thrown out:

“Do any of you think you’ve met your husband here yet?”

I am not. Kidding. This was the first night.

And from there it just felt like so many women were in a scramble to find that perfect fit somewhere on campus. For the most part, it wasn’t a race. I have plenty of friends who found their person in a normal amount of care and time and their wedding celebrations were such a pleasure to be a part of.

But there were some couples that were slightly more concerning. Some of them resulted in rushed marriages and even more rushed divorces.

Looking around in the aftermath of those years, it’s been interesting to observe longings that have surfaced in my life as well as in the lives of my friends through the first years of marriage into the early parenting stage from some of them.

I never thought I would get to 24 and be one of my only friends left rowing in the single boat. And I’d be lying if there weren’t moments I look around and wonder if I missed something—took a wrong turn or acted on introvert impulse when I shouldn’t have.

But I’ve been here long enough to know that the grass just isn’t going to be as green as it is on Fixer Upper. I’m thankful for that.

Honestly, I’m still trying to get back to Europe, let alone get down the aisle.

So much “spiritual” reading I did outside of the Bible was concerned with being a good girlfriend, or wife, or even mother. But I’m not using that info. Not really. I’ve found in this season a yearning to just learn how to be a person.

As part of this writing experiment, I’m trying to find out how to wring this season dry. I made it through bible college without the husband and baby I was promised with my diploma and I want to live into that well.

I’ve felt for a while that the church in general is not sure what to do with a woman in her mid-twenties who is unwed without prospects…Maybe not the church in general. Maybe it’s the church in West Michigan.

And as much as I want to be comfortable in that, I feel like I’m kind of alone here.

So I write this for you. To let you know you’re not alone…. or maybe just to confirm if I am. So in these posts, I’ll be unpacking some observations and throw out some thoughts.

I don’t want to spend this season waiting for what is next. What is here is next. And I’m owning it—The life of a Bible College Spinster.

Glory be

Posted on April 18, 2016April 17, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.

For the last few weeks I have been quarter-life crisising. There is a restlessness in this season that I’m trying to push away, but it continues to linger.
There is a feeling that I should be farther, should be traveling more, should be getting more education, should be living somewhere else, should be able to get up early enough to make a real breakfast rather than eating yogurt while sitting at stoplights on the way to work. But that’s not where I’m at. I’m eating yogurt at the stoplight since I woke up late due to watching House of Cards until two in the morning. Because I’m an adult.
Everything has felt a little mundane. I’ve felt a little too settled in the unsettledness of my life and I’ve been sure how to reconcile that. I know I’m not alone in this.
There has been a lack of glory in our worlds.

Isaiah 6 describes the seraphim singing the words above. Holy is the Lord Almighty— the earth is full of his glory. This is the fallen earth their singing about. The restless, unsettled, yogurt-at-a-red-light world.
And they are singing of His glory on it.
I was at a conference this past week, where a speaker was unpacking this. God, in his mercy, allows us to experience his glory on earth, but in our fallen nature, it is so easy for us to miss it.
If you’re like me, you spend so much time rushing and grasping throughout a day, that glory is the last thing on your mind. I use so much energy just trying to make life work, that taking the time to be silent is not even a regular happening. I’m worn and lost and empty.
And yet, we are invited to see God’s glory even on the earth.
Not only in the beauty of creation, but in a coworker’s ability to design something lovely using the words you’ve written. In a friend’s gift of hospitality taking away some of your concern with a cup of tea and a listening ear. In a songwriter’s work giving word to the ache you thought you were alone in feeling.
We are invited in to glory all the time, but we are too busy to look beyond face value. We would rather focus on what’s broken than be grateful for the small mercies and little beauties put before us on a daily basis.

I’ll unpack this a little more in the weeks to come, but for now, let me know in the comments what taste of glory you’ve tasted today.

Friday Favorites: March 2016

Posted on April 1, 2016March 28, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Friday Favorites, Lex's World

So I am aware that today is April, but like a fool (see what I did there), I totally forgot to publish this last Friday…And you can’t post a Friday Favorites post on any other day. That’d be weird.

So March was reading month and I took advantage of it to take some books off my reading list and add some to it. Here is the fruit of that labor:

1. A Prayer Journal—Flannery O’Connor

Flannery is way out of my league, but if you want a mentor on the written word through the written word, she’s the way to go.
For Christmas, my sister had picked up my subtle* hint that I wanted a copy of the short story master’s prayer journal and I’m so thankful she did.
O’Connor shows beautiful vulnerability and insecurities that are easily echoed by so many writers. I read this in one sitting and loved it.
*By subtle, I mean I sent an email with accompanying Amazon links. I’m smooth like that.

2. Me Before You—Jojo Moyes

I am not a romance fan, but I love a good love story…and a candy read in the airport. I’m headed to Austin in a few days and wanted something simple and fun for the travel. I started this a couple days ago and think this will really fit the travel bill.
I would also like to say that I am bringing along a favorite literary journal to save face among the Austin hipster set…

3. Restless—Jennie Allen

I bought this book a while back to read with a friend for two reasons: 1.) The title said it all when it came to what we were feeling in our opposite life stages and 2.) The internal design is really great*.
…But then we got too busy between her two kids and my unpredictable work life to actually read the book together. I dusted it off earlier this month and have appreciated what I’ve gleaned so far.
*Maybe you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge it by the internal design. And who are we kidding—you can totally judge a book by its cover!

4. The Dark Sea of Darkness—Andrew Peterson

The title says it all.
…And if the title doesn’t say it all, here’s a little more: This is the first book in the Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson (who is also a musician). It’s a fabulous children’s series and a modern classic. It features quirky creatures and great dialogue and a completely original world. And who doesn’t need a good middle-grade read?…as a mid-twenty something…don’t judge. You know this is the one recommendation on this list that interests you the most.

5. On Beauty—Zadie Smith

I’m attending the Festival of Faith and Writing later this month at Calvin College*. Zadie Smith is one of the key note speakers. I found this book at a fantastic bookshop in Battle Creek a couple weekends ago and am hoping to polish off this novel before the conference. It’s a little more arty than I tend toward, but I’ve often felt that way about books I’ve picked up at the festival and they’ve always ended up being some of my favorites.
*No, I don’t get a pay raise for mentioning them…that’d be nice though…I think the blog might take an unfortunate tangent for a while…

What books have pulled you through the month of March? Any recommendations I should keep an eye out for? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below.

Social Culture Shock

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Social Hiatus

In the being back on social in the last couple months, I’ve been asked if it is weird using it again.

Answer? YES! And at the same time no.

No because I was using it for work on hiatus. It’s not like I forgot how to use Twitter. (I may have had to look up videos on Snapchat like a 60 year old…it changed a lot in a year, okay?)

Yes because, well, it’s kind of intrusive.

In my first week back on the grid, I tried to catch up on messages that had accumulated over the year. I commented on a post a friend had tagged me in while I was messaging. As soon as I responded, there was a response back and then responses from others.

My introverted brain began to hyperventilate slightly. I loved these people, but I was a little taken aback by the rapid nature of the communication. I was doing this in my quiet time—my recharge time. Suddenly it felt like the world was infringing on that.

I had to get off, take a break, not be there. It felt like culture shock.

In my time away from social media, I noticed that I had to work harder to connect with friends and loved ones. I had to make more of an effort. Obviously, it was worth the effort.

I also found that having boundaries on my social time was valuable. In my time back in the digital social sphere, I have found that I am still bad at respecting those boundaries. There is a balance between being connected and being over-connected.

I’ll be honest, I’m not great at finding a balance in things. When I’m in something, I’m all in—not always a bad thing, but I was seeing some bad consequences connected to my social media usage.

Coming back to this, I having to learn how to balance. Taking yourself out of the equation completely—not exactly balanced.

As a culture, we’re terrible at maintaining boundaries and I am just a product of the culture. Being in constant connection with each other doesn’t really lends itself to boundaries easily and I’m wading into that tension.

As a people-appreciating introvert, I know that I need space to recharge, but I can easily ignore that need. Maneuvering the culture shock of social media, I’m seeing the importance of respecting my own boundaries and limits.

So yes, the temptation to run away again is definitely there. But along side it is a desire to find balance. I know I can write and recharge and build a platform. It’s a balancing act and in it, I’m discovering the multiple meanings of grace.

Friday Favorites: February 2016

Posted on February 26, 2016February 9, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Friday Favorites, Lex's World

I’ve accumulated a year full of awesome favorites and I’m so excited to unroll them with you over the next year. So here’s how Friday Favorites are going to work from here on out:

Each month I will be highlighting something to try, something to click, something to read, something to watch, and something to listen to.

Now, without further ado, I give you:

February 2016

Something to try: Less screen time

The year is still young and new starts are always encouraged. Here’s what I’m encouraging you to try this month. For one hour each week for the next month, I want to challenge you to turn off your phone.
Seriously.
Turn it off. Leave it in your purse. In another room. Just. Walk. Away.
And go have a conversation with someone. Like a real person. Or read a book. Like with physical pages and a binding.
Really, just do something without a screen. Except maybe microwaving. Microwaving usually leads to the heating of things like doughnuts. Yes. Turn off your phone and heat up a doughnut.

Something to click: Rifle Paper Co.

Looking for a great calendar or stationary?
Rifle Paper Co. has such adorably designed products. Seriously, I can’t get over their stuff.

https://riflepaperco.com/shop/calendars/2016-alice-in-wonderland-calendar/ — A page from their 2016 Alice in Wonderland calendar

Something to read: Arts & Entertainments—Christopher Beha

I heard Christopher Beha speak at the Festival of Faith and Writing in 2014. He is an extremely thoughtful writer who may just be our generations answer to Flannery O’Conner.
Arts & Entertainments starts as a realistic fiction novel revolving around failed actor Eddie Hartley, who is now a high school drama teacher. Eddie and his wife struggle to have a child. To afford fertility treatments on a high school teacher salary, Eddie sells a sex tape of him and ex-girlfriend-turned-hollywood-starlet.
The fall out is an incredible satirical ride that ends up holding a mirror to the reader’s world. By the end, it feels like a dystopian novel in the best way possible.
Unnerving and unputdownable. (It’s a word.)

Something to watch: Suits

The great Suits mid-season cliffhanger is about to be relieved!!!!
In the meantime, share a great moment with Donna and Harvey.

Something to listen to: Penny and Sparrow

This is by far the one I’m most excited to share this month. This duo opened for Drew Holcomb and I kind of liked them more than the act I payed to see. Beautiful lyrics, great composition, and fantastic stage presence. Seriously. These guys are hilarious…despite what their heavy lyrics would lead you to believe.

Anything by them is worth a listen. So rich. So good.

Being present

Posted on February 15, 2016February 15, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Instagram is the platform I’ve decided to stick with post-hiatus. It’s simple and visual and doesn’t take up too much of my time.

That said, I think our image-driven culture has created a new philosophical dilemma. Namely:

If a girl goes to a thing but doesn’t photograph it, was she really there?

I didn’t really think about it until I was at my first concert while on hiatus. And I enjoyed the whole thing. Including my favorite song.

Usually, attending a concert would be a huge social marketing undertaking in promoting myself and the fact that I would be present and whatever event.

There is the bought-the-“tix”-shot. (Seriously. “Tix.”)

And then the waiting-for-the-event-to-start-selfie…which actually does serve a purpose because what else are you going to do while you’re waiting? Conversing can be difficult in loud venues and selfies take no words!…

And finally the during-the-event photo or video. If you’re at a concert, video is expected, though possibly frowned upon by both copyright and the poor person trying to enjoy the concert behind you. But you have to capture your favorite song because if you don’t, is it really your favorite?!?!?!?!?

This is from a book signing, but same concept at play here... — This is from a book signing, but same concept at play here…

At this first hiatus concert, the artist started playing my favorite song and I got to really take in the moment. There wasn’t the mad grab for my bag during the intro and the struggle to get a good shot around that jerk in front with his selfie stick. No. While everyone around me was doing that, I was enjoying a song I loved with the artist right there playing right then. There was no screen between him and I. Just good music.

Because what is the point of going to a show if you’re going to spend it on your phone? You could see hours of that on YouTube. And are you going to tell me you’re actually going to excitedly sit down to watch that concert back with poor audio on that tiny screen? And I don’t care what improvements Apple makes to video, it’s still not going to be the same.

Don’t miss the moment because you are trying to capture it. Take it in. Savor it. Let it go. I promise, it makes the special moments that much richer.

Back on the grid

Posted on January 25, 2016January 22, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Social Hiatus

So I didn’t plan to leave the blog unattended that long…it just kind of got rolled in…

This week marks the end of a year long social media hiatus. This has been a great year to pause and think through intentionality and purpose. To be honest, I have not missed my social accounts in the slightest.

The most common response I received from people asking about the hiatus was, “What about all the invites to things you’re missing?” My first thought was, “What invites? I haven’t gotten any.”…thankfully I had the restraint not to voice that. Fact of the matter is, I was usually asked this at some social function where the host had graciously extended me an invite via phone or email rather than over Facebook.

But really, I don’t feel like my social life suffered much. I certainly went to less functions because I felt obligated to go to the baby shower of the girl I shared a crayon with that one time in third grade…Instead, I spent moments with friends. Friends who I hadn’t made an actual effort with in a while because, well, it took actual effort. Friends who understood why I was doing what I was doing. I got to pursue relationships that meant more than just witty comments or clicking a heart on things they shared. I got to rediscover the beauty of an hour-long phone call, or driving to see a college roommate, or asking the real questions because I had time and the space for that.

I got to share actual life without feeling the pressure to prove I had been, had done, had seen, had heard. I just got to be. Can I tell you how freeing it is to stand through a concert without taking a video of your favorite song. To just listen and take in without being hindered by the screen between you and the artist. (I mean really, is there any point?)

This year has been nothing out of the ordinary, but I know it has been lived. If squandered, it was only done on watching Parks and Rec in a week. (Because Netflix wasn’t part of the hiatus but probably should have been…)

I’m excited to unpack with you what I’ve taken from this past year and unfold what God has in store for the year to come.

Here’s to a new journey.

A Triumphant Entry Into Longing

Posted on March 30, 2015February 15, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness, Spirituality

I wasn’t really prepared for what I walked into in yesterday’s Palm Sunday service.

I mean, I was. It’s been relatively the same service each year since I’ve attended this church. And not in a bad way.

The cast of the Easter play the church puts on every year reenact the triumphal entry with the kids in the front. There’s always the little girl mesmerized by the people in the audience who haven’t been out there in all the rehearsals. There are the little boys who wap each other with their palm branches and their mothers can’t get to them until the lights go down, so their reveling in the freedom.

It was beautiful to observe the reenactment of the joy of Israel. The celebration of their long awaited messiah arrived at last! But paring that with the tragedy of what was to come.

They would reject God because he had not come in the way they thought. He would be condemned and killed to atone for the sin of the world but then rise again in glory.

And yet the people of God missed this. So often I miss this.

See, on walking into the service, I became hyper aware of all the young families sitting around me. And also heavily aware of my longing for my own family one day.

I think in the feeling of longing, we’re tempted into our own pity party. I could have sat there questioning why. Why wasn’t I dating anyone? Why were so many people around me getting married? Why couldn’t I be one of them?

In the asking of ‘Why,’ the answer I tend to always gravitate towards tends to be that God is holding out on me. That God is not good.

My Eve-and-Israel heart spirals into discontent and bitterness starts to grow. I reject the beautiful character of God and totally miss what he may be trying to do in my life and the lives of those around me.

Sitting in the service, my heart was being pulled into what could be, but I was being called into a greater narrative.

And perhaps this was exaggeratedly pronounced yesterday morning. But in entering into that tension, I was entering into a beautiful time experiencing the character of God with his people.

I’ve said before that longing is an invitation to experience what we truly long for.

Yes, I may long for a family and someone to share the joys and struggles of that with. Yes, I want to give as well as feel that kind of love. But I’m being invited into a deeper and more beautiful love. All my needs have and will be met by the larger story I am beckoned into.

I can let my own longing try to feed itself, or I can look to the source that satisfies all hunger.

And that is the point of the passion week we are entering into. We mourn how sin and the desire for things to be our own way separated us from God. We celebrate how he came to fill the unmet longings and bring us into relationship with Him.

May you seek fulfillment in Jesus in this passion week.

A Year in Social Wilderness

Posted on February 23, 2015February 15, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Social Hiatus

I know things from Bohemia have been pretty silent and I should probably apologize for that and unpack what’s going on here.

At the close of last year, I was finding myself distracted, disappointed, and disquieted. I was desperately in need of rest and I really had no idea where to find it. I would spend time in the word, but that time would barely sustain me and I had no idea what the problem was.

Until I was confronted with my view of God.

I was attending a conference in Atlanta and found myself sobbing next to my bed in the hotel taking in the knowledge that the Almighty wants my attention.

And you’re probably reading this going, “Duh, Lex,” but really, this struck me at my core.

There have been so many times in the last few years I have been scrolling through Facebook feeling discontent because my life isn’t as glamorous or godly or phenomenal as my “friends” lives appear in the news-feed. And I scoff at the life I have been given and strive to make it appear to be more. More exotic, more fabulous, more… in my control.

In the midst of that striving, my time with God lacks quality because I’m not there. Because I am half-heatedly praying for Him to make my life my version of great all while scheming to make my little patch of ordinary look extraordinary to the online world.

The Almighty God wants to spend time with me and I am trying to just fit him in.

I ignore the creator of the universe because I just don’t have the time for him.

And this struck me in a very tender place and the only thing I could manage to do after the conference that night was to wander back to my hotel room and bow before Him on the floor of my hotel room and cry.

So what does this have to do with the lack of online presence?

Currently I am a month into a year long hiatus from my personal social media accounts… ironic for a social media marketer…(Obviously, I will be keeping up with accounts for work, but my personal channels will continue to be silent for the year.) I’m spending my twenty-third year without use of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest… and LinkdIn for that matter, but let’s be honest, who uses LinkdIn?

I want to make time and space for the Lord and the interests he has given me to pursue. I want to remove the temptation to wallow in my discontent that is stirred up by my time online. I want to push past my tendency to relate on a shallow level through and only virtual presence.

After the Israelites were delivered from Egypt, God guides them in the wilderness, explaining what it is to be his Holy people and who he is as their God. He forms them in the space of the wilderness and that is what I am seeking in this year: space and silence for the sake of formation.

This is not a fast, but a break to restructure the way I live my life and the view I have of God.

This is not something I expect other people to stick to. I struggle with discontent and that is intensified through Facebook and Pinterest. I do not see other people struggling in the same way so please understand that if you are using social media, I am not writing this to condemn you in anyway.

I’m writing this to apologize for my lack of posting as of late and to explain how this will work moving forward.

I will continue blogging throughout this year, but it will be reduced to bi-weekly posting. I will spend one post a month describing what this year off the social media grid is stirring in me and another discussing whatever is on my mind per usual.

This will be the last post I promote via my social channels, so from here on out, if you’d like to share one of these posts with friends on your own channels, I definitely encourage it. If you’d like to comment, please do! I try to respond to comments on a post within twenty-four hours… though I make no promises.

I am excited to see what this year will bring as I enter into this adventure with the Lord. I have already been able to pick up my writing more and spend time reading and meditating.

The wilderness is quiet, but that is not a bad thing at this point.

I’ll keep you updated as the journey continues.

Christmas: The Heritage of Longing

Posted on December 22, 2014December 29, 2015 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness, Spirituality

I love and hate Christmas.

I feel like most single women can echo the sentiment.

It’s wonderful to spend the time with family, to decorate the house, to enjoy the homecoming of friends you haven’t seen in a while. Candlelight services, caroling, advent. It’s a wonderful time of year.

And then there is also the awkward time spent with family, the stress of hosting get-togethers, crazy malls. The forgetting of the meaning of this season.

And I don’t mean the world forgetting to stop and celebrate Christ’s birth. We live in a fallen world where Christ’s sovereignty is denied on an hourly basis. Of course I don’t expect the general population to celebrate Christ’s birth.

I mean what we forget within the body of Christ.

See, part of what makes Christmas a hard time of year for me is the longing. I long to share romantic Christmas dates with someone special. I long to have a family of my own to make Christmas memories with. I at least just long to say yes when the “are you seeing someone?” brigade intrudes on holiday gatherings.

It’s easy to let the unmet longing shade the season of hope and joy, but I think to ignore the longing is to miss something important in this season.

Because Christmas is a celebration of longing.

The world was in desperate need of the messiah and the longing for his presence throughout the Old Testament is unmistakable. In Christ’s coming to earth, that longing was met and through his death, fulfilled.

In this season of advent, we now long for Christ’s return.

I was reminded by a friend earlier this month that God has given each of us specific longings and needs to draw us in to him. We try to fill those longings with relationships, or status, or possessions, but of course that doesn’t work.

Having a boyfriend, or husband and family would not ease this hunger in my soul this season. Not really.

Because there is still great longing in me for what will not be met on this side of heaven. And so often I misdiagnose that longing and loneliness I feel to be that of a relationship with a man rather than my need for unbroken relationship with God.

But that longing is why we celebrate this season. We look forward to having this longing met in the second coming of our king. And we give thanks for the first coming and the sacrifice that makes our longing able to be met.

We are descendants in a heritage of longing. We are beautiful beggars waiting for our hunger to be satisfied.

This season is an invitation to face our longings head on and seek the truth of what we really desire.

So this is my challenge as we head into this week. As you experience the longing, loneliness, or discontentment of your holiday season, look at the feeling in light of advent. In light of the anticipation and desire of what is before us.

Rest in the knowledge that your longing will one day be met.

Until then, may you find joy and peace this Christmas season.