The Weight of Wait

Patience is not my virtue.

Moving quickly. Getting things done. Rushing. Worrying. Griping. Those are my virtues.

I don’t do waiting.

At least not well.

bd637-58939a7305c7c0e4c04bbe0f927d7dbeAnd yet the answer to everything right now is ‘wait and see’. The house we put a bid on—wait and see. My dream internship—Wait and see. the publication I sent some work to—Wait and see. Having that guy I met get in touch with me—Wait and see. Having a job out of school—Wait and see. Everything—Wait and see.

The point of waiting, I don’t see. Instead, I wallow in self-pity because I may or may not get hired. We still may not be moved by Christmas. I may not get published. I may never hear from that guy again.

Heck! I may never get a real job and have to live in the musty basement of my parents current house, own a cat I hate, writing stories no one cares about only to die alone in the end.

Or I may just realize the truth: I am not in control. Of anything! The fact that these things are not working out in my time frame is glaring evidence of that.

You see, often when we aren’t getting what we want, we are being offered God instead. I have forgotten that this week.

As a result, I have spent my days moping, impatient, and fretful.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
Lord Almighty,
Blessed is the one who trusts in you.
-Psalm 84:11-12

What I have been offered is a life guided by God, my heavenly father. He is not holding out on me. As part of that gift, I have been given this season of waiting.

It will not last forever so I must reap the lessons laid out for me here. Is it easier to pout? of course! That requires no effort. Absolutely no giving of self. Bu that calling is beneath me.

I have been called to wait an consider it pure joy. I am called to embrace this season–this portion with grace and gratefulness.

Keep me safe, my God,
for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
Apart from you I have no good thing.”
I say of the holy people who are in the land,
“They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
Those who run after other gods will duffer more and more.
I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods
or take their names on my lips.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
–Psalm 16

Here’s to the journey.

Greetings from No-Man’s-Land!

Travelling is one of my favorite things in the world. It is also something I don’t get to do very often. (Alas, being strapped down with student debt does not get you on a plane very easily!) If I cannot travel, I love to get postcards from those who can. Postcards are such lovely thing. You get a small snip-it, a sliver of a moment, complete with a picture of where the person was and what they were thinking at the time. It’s a beautiful blip of a person’s journey and a wonderful gift that they would extend it to you.

So as of right now, I am on a journey. And you are as well and this post is my first postcard to you so that we may share the journey together.

I have recently wrapped up my college years. (For the most part, but we’ll get into that later.) I am in no-man’s-land. That strange place of limbo between college and who knows what. I have reached the end of the map, where there is nothing but ocean and a scrawled message reading: There be monster’s beyond this point.

It’s frightening. It’s thrilling! It is what it is and I have nothing to do but hike my backpack further up onto my shoulders and step forward into the unknown.

I takes guts –  guts I don’t know if I have –  and positivity – which is hard for a sappy cynic to hold on to – and a trust in something bigger than myself – someone I can’t even begin to wrap my thoughts around, let alone my trust. These are uncharted waters. I don’t know what lies ahead here, but we are sure as heck gonna find out.

On the way, I will be posting thoughts, musings, recipes, DIY biz, writing samples, and maybe even some poetry!… (my poetry is not very good so there may not be much of it… I hope you’re not holding your breath…) My goal is to post once a week, on Mondays, with bonus posts showing up on Wednesdays on occasion. We’ll see how this goes.

So start checking you’re mailbox. Postcards are on their way!

               — Lex