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The Sexual Content Threshold

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World


I bought a book this summer and was quite excited about it. It was a time travel novel taking place between modern day New York and regency-era England. Like really, does it get better than that?

In the first third of the book, it didn’t seem to. The book was interesting, the characters awesome, the plot shaping up nicely. I was quite a fan and had trouble putting it down.

The time streams of the male and female leads collided (as they should. Got to keep things interesting right?) The chemistry was fun between the characters. I was interested to see how things would unfold between them. I mean, obviously they would end up together, but they were on opposite sides of the time-traveling underworld. It was a classic forbidden love set-up in a weird Jane Austen sci-fi mash up. The author had my wrapped attention!

And then things took a terrible turn as I discovered the truth about the book.

It was *gasp* a kissing book!

I’ll be the first to admit that I love a good love story. But a love story and a romance novel are two very different things. Let’s be clear on that, And a lot of the difference has to do with the intent in which it was made and consumed and the sexual content of the piece.

Suddenly in this wonderful story, the plot was being interrupted unexpectedly with a make-out session in the woods. In the rain. I am not kidding.

There was no lead up. The characters had just met a scene before. They were both from the conservative regency-era. There was nothing in their characters to lead to steamy scene complete with “desire” and “throbbing.” It felt like it was there because the writer thought the reader wanted it. Not the characters.

There were so many specifics, that I had to skip some portions–something I’m not prone to do.


And I understand that it is for this experience that some people turn to books. I was just disappointed that such a wonderful story was traded in to give in to misplaced desire.

A great plot was sacrificed to include what other books have embraced to sell more copies. I felt cheated.

Suddenly the characters were not the people I was getting to know and care about. They were eratic caricatures of sexual organs, Their cause was no longer so important. The balance of time and space and good and evil were secondary to these sleeping habits of characters. The truth and humanity was cheapened because sex is what is selling books.

I cannot say if this choice was purely the authors or if there was pressure from the publisher, but I was saddened, I was disapointed. And I at last found the threshold between a love story and emotional porn.

I am okay with a book having sexual content even though I don’t agree with premarital sex. It’s still out there, part of lives and I don’t expect people let alone characters to adhere to my personal convictions.

It is when they use the word ‘nipple’ that I begin to feel uncomfortable. It is adding a specific. It’s makes me visualize something I don’t really wants to. Forces me into the experience mentally and emotionally.

When things are hinted at, I can easily glance over them. It does not add to or take away from the plot. It is when specificity is at the forefront that things take a turn my mind does not want to take. And this is becoming more popular among books for adult women. There used to be a difference between adult fiction (fiction for adults) and adult fiction (porn). Now adays? Not so much.

So I raise this question: Why is it so hard to escape this? Why can we not separate a love story from a sex story? And why can’t a story have sex that isn’t laid bare in gory details? And why are we satisfied with every detail when all it does is tell a lie?

I guess this post is more rant than anything else. (Sorry about that.) I just wish more for the writers of this generation. I want us to be telling stories with truth. Not stories that hold back nothing while still feeding the reader a load of shit.

Readers deserve better. And I as a reader–not a writer–am asking for better,

Having Exhaled

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Breathe Conference, Writing Thoughts

This past weekend I had the great privilege of volunteering at the Breathe Conference.

It was a beautiful time to connect with both old and new writing friends and to encourage one another forward in our art.

Part of what I have come to be so thankful for at this conference is the lack of self-importance of everyone. I started coming to this conference as a punk seventeen year old who only knew she wanted to write stories. If the organizers of the conference had just stuck up their noses at the little girl with no clue, I am not kidding, my world would look a lot different right now.

Instead, I was welcomed with opened arms, mentored, and loved by so many awesome writers and publishing folks. They have encouraged me in my writing as well as my career and I am forever for grateful for them and the conference that introduced me to them.

So going to this thing is like meeting up with family. Only great family!…Not drunk/creepy Uncle Phil. It’s like the thanksgiving you wish was real. And it is… it’s just not thanksgiving, it’s a writer’s conference!

I have been writing fiction for ten years. It’s a good chunk of time considering my age, So much has changed and, then again, so much hasn’t. There is somehow a big difference in being a twelve year old writing in her parent’s basement every night after school than being a twenty-two year old writing in her parents basement when she makes the time. There’s more struggle now. More risk.

I am working toward finishing a novel and I’m having to think about what I’m going to do when that happens. It’s a little daunting. There may actually be some action there.

Despite the caution surrounding this area of the future, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude for having the opportunity to learn from so many industry professionals, both this year and years past; the chance to connect with some wonderfully encouraging writers; and the context to think through what art is in my life and how I engage that as a Christian. I feel so blessed that I have been given the calling that I have and so honored that God reveals himself to me through the written word.

This weekend was full of lovely reminders and great gratitude.

Thank you to everyone who put this lovely time together and for letting me join your motley crew. Thank you for those willing to share what they’ve learned on the journey with grace and encouragement.

I’ve Got a Crush

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Writing Thoughts

Confession time:

I’ve had my eyes on a man for a while.

He’s not exactly my type…if I had a type.  Everyone I know has an opinion about him and not all of them are flattering. And I can understand that. He was kind of a scoundrel.

But there’s something in his brashness that speaks to me; fills in what I’m not, you know? He was an adventurer and trouble. The capital T kind. But he was also an artist.

Some would disagree, but I think he understood something about dealing with words that I want to grasp.

So yeah, I have a thing for Ernest Hemingway.

Seriously. The man was a fox.

Don’t judge. Not all of us are Dickens girls. Plus Hemingway is way better on the eyes.

If you’re a nerdy writer, I’m sure you have your own literary crush. Don’t pretend you don’t. There is that person who’s style differs from yours, or you aspire to be them, or their stories just do it for you. Ernest Hemingway is mine.

I read Ernest’s quotes often. (And yes, I call him Ernest because I like to pretend we’re on a first name basis…) Here are some of the gems I’ve treasured:

As a writer, you should not judge, you should understand.

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

The first draft of anything is shit.

The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.

Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the Romance of the unusual. 

When I’m not sure how to make words, I turn to Ernest.

Unlike me, Ernest didn’t dance around a hard scene. He just put it out there. I’m sure he, like any of us, struggled with getting what was put down right, but he didn’t disguise his troubled spots with flowery prose. He didn’t even know what flowery was.

No, he wrestled until what he wanted to say was simple, straightforward. There for the reader to figure out.

When I get stuck, I look to a sketch I keep at my desk made for me by a friend. (Inspired by my tendency to say “Hemingway was a fox,” she drew Ernest’s face on a fox’s body.) I let Fox Hemingway give me a stern look in the eyes.

My job is to tell my story honestly. And I’ve got his blessing for it to be shitty. But I need to put it down because if I don’t, then I’ve got nothing to work with.
And no, my style is not his style, Nor do I want it to be.
But Ernest knew what he was doing. And he’s taught me a bit on how to make the words.
It’s not dancing the night away in Havana with him, but it’s something and I’m a better artist for it.
Who’s your literary crush? Any writers in your world that have helped make you better from beyond the grave?
I’d love to hear about your influences!

The Need to be Undone

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Spirituality
 I haven’t really felt like myself lately. I’ve been on edge, a little worried, and fairly high-strung. I’ve been a working machine with not a lot of social interaction.
It’s been wearing on me. (Yes, I’m an introvert, but quality time is my top love language… I’m a bundle of paradoxes…)
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I won’t get to bask in that light until the end of the month, It’s discouraging.
And don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for the blessings of this season. But every season has its blend of good and hard.
This weekend, I was told the story of a dear friend’s hard struggle. Some of my family members have suffered some strange and unexpected losses. A new friend had to say goodbye to an important voice in his life. Two of my best friend’s lives have taken unexpected turns in a way neither of them anticipated.
There is a heaviness in joy.
And I’ve been hearing about all of this from a distance in the midst my foggy cycle of work and sleep.
Today, feeling these tensions and worries weighing on my heart, I took some time to decompress at my favorite book shop. I picked up a couple titles with one deep craving at the front of my mind.
I wanted to be undone.
I’ve wanted to read a book that leaves me breathless. I want that novel that when it’s finished, I have to just sit for a long while and ponder what mastery I just took in.
I’ve had this experience before.
The longing for this kind of story has become more intense as my workload has begun to take over my life and I’ve had to put other things aside to accomplish my tasks.
God has been so faithful in the midst of this new stage. He is holding my hand in the middle of lots of changes and new experiences. I am thankful. Please Please do not discount my great gratitude for where I am. I am also tired.
I have lost a spark. A little bit of myself. My soul had been a little drier and my heart a little less passionate and at the end of the day, I think on this and am wearied,
Because here is the thing:
I haven’t written over a month. I haven’t read any fiction in even longer,
And as such, I have not been myself for a few weeks now.
I’ve been neglecting a part of my heart in which was wired to thrive.
I’ve been wanting to be undone. I’ve been looking for a story to suck me in, hold up a mirror to my heart and the world. I’ve been looking to be convicted; I’ve been looking to be ruined. Ruined by characters and words; metaphors that cut me to the quick with their beauty and honesty.
What’s the deeper reality of that longing?
I’ve been looking for God to do the same.
My heart has been longing for time with my Father. Time I’ve neglected in the business of the newness of my life, I’ve felt that longing for a while now and it wasn’t until I began to seek out the longing that I began to realize how much I’ve been missing that extended time in the quiet. Almost more than my time with good story. I’ve been missing being part of a bigger story.
Maybe you don’t get this, but I hope you do.
So often when we’re busy, we neglect interests, relationships, the cleanliness of our homes, the pursuit of our loved ones. Mostly the first thing I tend to cut out when I’m busy is quality time with God,
As a result, I am more worried, less trusting, less open, less loving. I am not myself. I am an empty shell with a misappropriated sense of longing. 
So I’m wrestling with God in this.
And I’m now armed with some books as well.
I hoping God and I can continue to move toward a balance as I move forward in this work-heavy season.
I’m trying to make the time for him to undo me on a daily basis. To fill my longings and prepare my heart for what’s ahead. For it’s in the undoing of my striving and worrying and selfishness that things start to be made whole.

It’s in the undoing of myself, that I begin to put my relationship with God and my relationships with others in their right place.

I pray that you find time for your own undoing, my friend. And in that, may you find what it is to be whole.

Fighting Brain-Toast: The Importance of a Sabbath

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

So last week I made a lot of brain-toast.

What is brain-toast, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.
It happens when you throw a whole lot of new information, and people, and places at an introverted mind and then that introverted mind tries to continue to focus on the freelance work that needs to be done after processing all the information, people, and places all day long. You keep this up for about five days, and then you pretty much have brain-toast.
On Saturday I slept in fairly late for my usual weekend morning. I then pulled myself together to begin to do some work, and ended up falling asleep for another three hours.
My extrovert points were spent. My mind was exhausted. My ability to relate intentionally with others was stretched to the max.
My brain was toast. Ergo, brain-toast.
A lot of this can be chalked up to the learning curve of the new job, but I am noticing that this is probably going to be the pattern for a few weeks until I find a new rhythm. Early mornings, good, challenging work all day, a break for dinner, a few more hours of work, and hopefully and early-ish bedtime. Hopefully mix in some social interaction, just to maintain some balance and hope for the best.
This seems a little daunting and exhausting right now. I am loving what I am getting to do. I look forward to learning more about my job in the days ahead. I also love the work I get to do with my freelance clients.
But I’m learning that there is a need for balance. There is a need for boundaries. And there is a need for rest.

Since college, I have always tried to take a sabbath.  All work can be done Monday through Saturday. Sunday is time to spend in corporate worship and resting with friends or family. Not working. Just being and being so with others.
It is something we’re commanded to do. It is the first thing God did after creating the world. It’s so important for us to take our need for rest seriously.
I’m not saying your should spend the majority of your Saturday sleeping. I did have to (eventually) wake up and get things done.
I am saying that it is vitally important to our relationship with God and our own well-being that we have a day of rest. A day to reflect. A day to relate.
A day to not strive for brain-toast, but instead just enjoy the blessings of our week and of the week ahead. 
There are always things that need to be done. We can always work harder, clean more, and do do do. But it is vital to take time out of that.
Setting aside Sunday to focus solely on worship and community had done me a world of good every week and I pray it will do the same for you.
When was the last time you took the time to intentionally rest?

Friday Favorites: September

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Friday Favorites, Lex's World

Why hello there!

Thank you all for your grace in my absence from the interwebs on Monday. I started a new job that has been going well so far. My brain is pretty tired after learning so many names and the ways of a new company, but I am so thankful for this opportunity.

So I promised Friday favorites for the month and Friday favorites you shall have! Here are my top five material loves over the past month. Check ’em out and I hope you enjoy!

1. Daily Monday Planner

The calendar on my ipod is great, but I always remember things better when I physically write them down. Solution? A great planner, of course. Vera Bradley had a good design I used for a while, but they changed their design and my needs in a planner I now different than they were when I was in college.


A friend pinned a link to a planner website and I fell instantly in love. Daily Monday produces a great product. It’s a fill-in planner so you can start the dates whenever you would like. I use the month calendar for my appointment schedule and then the weekly calendar for my to-do list that I keep running for all my freelance projects. I am loving it so far and would highly recommend this design! 

2. Postmodern Jukebox

 I love old music. Really, I love music in general. While procrastinating with the help of YouTube, I came across something that was way too cool!

Postmodern Jukebox takes the latest pop songs and re-imagines them in vintage style.  Some of my favorite covers are a 1920’s version of ‘Fancy,’ a 60’s cover of Ellie Goulding’s ‘Burn,’ and a vintage soul cover of ‘All of Me’. There’s a lot more and it’s a great selection of creative covers.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/wJY83K3o670&source=uds

3. Love and Respect Now

There’s just something really fun about talking about relationships. I love talking male-female dynamics, dating, singleness, boundaries, pretty much anything surrounding love and marriage and the ups and downs of the two.

A friends passed along a link to Love and Respect NOW, a ministry focusing on the concepts of the popular marriage book Love and Respect in the context of the lives of adults ages 18-35. They have a

blog as well as a regularly updated youtube channel I would highly recommend checking out. I’ve appreciated her persective on being single well, what it really means to ‘guard your heart,’ and what is this thing called ‘respect’ and why are guys so crazy about it? Truly great things coming from this ministry.

I now have a major woman crush on Joy Eggerichs. Seriously, this woman is great with blending truth, wisdom, and humor. She and some wonderful guest bloggers tackle the issues and questions coming from today’s singles, dating folks, and young married folks.

Also, I fantasize about going to coffee with Joy… that’s not creepy right?… don’t answer that.

4. Divergent review from Film Fisher

Growing up in a Christian home, a lot of the movies I was watched were first reviewed by my folks on PluggedIn from Focus on the Family. And after the site would denounce the movie, usually I still watched it. The site really just counted the ‘sins’ in the movie not taking in context or purpose of such things in the film.

Anyway, Film Fisher takes the same concept with a much more intelligent approach. Their review of Divergent was brilliant. Really, you need to read it. So great! He touches on some great concerns surrounding the post-apocalyptic kick everyone seems to be on. Also, the writers has some great man-beard action going on.



5. Chaider

It’s chai. With cider. Nuf. Said.

But seriously, this is really good and if you’re in the West Michigan area, you have to hoof it over to Clique Coffee Bar and try theirs out. So good!

The 3 Questions That Have Emerged from My Singleness

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness

I am the Charlie Brown of blind dates.

Not that I’m looking to go on blind dates. But as a single girl with a majority of married friends, it seems that everyone has some ‘Nice Guy’ in their back pocket they expect me to want to try on for size.

But the hilarious thing is that every time someone attempts to set me up with someone, they magically end up in a relationship a few weeks later. For real. This has happened a good four or five times!


Probably my favorite was at the beginning of this summer.

My sister had led on a youth trip and had met another leader she thought I ‘just had to meet.’ After some carousing from her, I agreed that she could give the guy my number… mainly because he wasn’t going to call.

And no, this isn’t one of those I-gave-up-on-the-thought-and-then-just-as-I-lost-faith-the-guy-called-and-now-we’re-married posts. Because I was right and he didn’t call… because honestly, that would have been weird. (Hi, your sister sent me your number via Facebook because she thinks I need to go out with more girls…) But this experience caused me to feel a little pressure from home and from myself.

I love my parents and sister, don’t get me wrong. They want good things from me and want to see my life move forward in whatever way God sees fit. But with talk of this around the dinner table, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe I was missing out on something.

I mean, at twenty-two, shouldn’t I have gone out with more people by now? Shouldn’t I have more guy friends that I haven’t gained through marriage to my girl friends? And then of course the age old question of all slightly socially-awkward bookworm girls everywhere: Is there something wrong with me?

Overwhelmed by a sense of impending spinsterhood and the projected baby-fever of my family (alright, perhaps there’s some hyperbole here…) I asked a friend if she would go to coffee with me. She is a awesome single lady in her mid-twenties and I just wanted to pick her brain on how she handled this kind of pressure.

Talking with her, I was able to wrestle with some of the lies within my own heart, as well understand that those in my life wanting me to look for love only were doing so because they themselves loved me. We worked through my neurotic questions together and I came away with some wisdom and a little more gumption to enjoy where I’m at.

So at twenty-two, is it bad that I haven’t dated a ton? Not really. I mean, yeah marriage is a thought in my mind, but it’s not a priority, like say, breakfast tomorrow or something. I’ve got time and God knows what he’s doing with that time be it dating, marriage, or otherwise.

And I don’t have a lot of guy friends. Should I be concerned? Not totally, but it’s probably healthy to put yourself in some co-ed situations. So I’m trying to get plugged in with the singles group at my church. Turns out about half of the world’s population doesn’t like Pride & Prejudice (ie. men) so I should probably learn how to communicate with them about other things…

So is there something wrong with me? Don’t tell me you haven’t asked yourself this question. It’s easy to ask when the longing is heavy and the loneliness endless. My wonderful friend was able to affirm in me what I want to affirm in you:

You aren’t single because there is something wrong with you. You are single because that is the season in which you are currently placed. Seasons do not last forever. Sometimes it seems like it will, but that is just a lie. You never know what God may have around the corner. That’s not for us to know. Our job is to wait and trust and find joy in where we are, even when it seems like a burden.

You are a beautiful daughter of the king. And that king has planed beautiful things for you, my friend. Be that a relationship, marriage, grand adventures, refusing to become a cat lady… There are endless possibilities and hope. There is always hope.

Alright, so how does this tie into my Charlie-Brown-blind-dating intro? I’m getting there, I promise!

A couple weeks after our coffee date, my friend and I met up again for dinner. She asked me how I was doing with the home/self-imposed pressure.

God has really been working on my heart this summer in the areas of contentment and gratitude and I was able to tell her honestly that I am happy to be where I am. Yes, I would like a relationship someday, but for now I am pleased to be where God has me.

Just as I voiced this, the guy my sister had tried to set me up with walked past the window by where I sat. I watched as he met up with a girl very obviously for a first date. I couldn’t help but laugh and point it out to my friend. Of all the restaurants of all the nights and of all the people. It was just too funny.

And really I could laugh with no disappointment. God knows what he’s doing and I can trust that.

I am finding that I would much rather go on single than be in a relationship I have to grasp and manipulate to make happen. We’ll just see how God responds to that thought.

In the mean time, what are some awkward blind date experiences you’ve had? Any strange set-up hi-jinx in your world?

Flash Fiction: The Door

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Writing Samples
It’s Labor Day so I thought I’d send something a little lighter your way. I’ve been working on some fiction samples for the blog this summer and I’m excited to share some of the results of that work. Here’s a piece of flash fiction that I hope you enjoy!

My laptop was set up on the desk in front of the old oak door in the lab.
I wasn’t supposed to get so wrapped up in this. Really, it was supposed to have been a simple DIY. Not that those words ever went together. 
I bought the door from that antique shop downtown. It was sturdy, classic. And the doorknob was a lovely ornate copper. From the moment I laid eyes on the door, I knew it belonged in my apartment.
Except that once I popped it onto the bathroom hinges, I found it was a half-inch too narrow for my door frame. My simple weekend project was a wash.
It wasn’t until I had gone through the whole ordeal and propped the useless door against my bedroom wall that I noticed its peculiar property.
So here I was, after months of research and tests, ready to put the door to action.
“Kat, you can’t really believe this is going to get you anywhere. It’s a nice door. That doesn’t mean it’s connected to any rip in time,” Charlie complained.
No one was supposed to know about my work with the door. Not even Charlie. I had planned to run my tests after work. He found me in the lab one night after he had forgotten his external hard drive. He then proceeded to wheedle the entire theory out of me.
I now rolled my eyes at his cynicism. He would realize soon enough.
“You saw through the key hole. How can you still question that there isn’t something supernatural going on with this door?”
He shrugged, adjusting his glasses before pushing his dark curls off his forehead. “Doesn’t mean there’s anything going on with the time-space continuum. For all we know, Monster’s Inc. is a real deal.”
“I know what I saw.” I turned away from him as I took a reading from the monitor to my left. “Besides, you’re not a physicist—you’re not the expert here.”
“You can hardly call yourself a physicist.” He looked from me to the door. “Besides, you’re already on probation with the board.”
“They have no respect for gut instinct.” I watched the monitor with clenched jaw. The waves surrounding the door were beginning to spike. I looked at the clock. 11:55.
“Not when you have nothing to back it up.”
“I’m gonna.”
“And what if you do? Remember how Michael J. Fox was always screwing up the present?” he teased. I looked to him. There was a smile in his eyes as he tried to ease the tension.
“You watch too many movies.” I returned to the desk, elbowing him out of the way. “Besides, it is just a theory; I don’t know if anything will actually work. But I’m sure as hell gonna find out.”
“Thing is, you are calling this a theory, but you think it’s fact. Explain that one.” He crossed his arms, looking down on me. That amused expression was always so irritating,
“Now tell me, Dr.expert-know-it-all,” I crossed my own arms, mimicking his patronizing stance. “Who was the biologist that wasted thousands in university funding based on a hunch? Something about antibiotics derived from—”
 “That’s not fair, Kat.” His teasing grin turned to pursed lips.
I just smirked up at him.
He was glancing over my shoulder. “It’s 11:59. You ready?”
“Oh!” I stripped off my lab coat and rushed to the door. “How are the levels holding?”
“Heightened, but holding steady as we approach oh-one hundred.”
I placed my hand on the doorknob. “Count me off,” I told him.
“Going in five…” He rolled his eyes as he began. I took a series of deep breaths, “… four…” closing my eyes, I prayed for the best, “… three… two…” I tightened my grip on the doorknob, “one!” he finally said.
Pushing open the door, I was more than a little surprised to find not the other half of the lab, but instead a bedroom. Just as I had seen through the keyhole. It was ornately decorated. Like a set from a BBC period drama.
At the foot of the bed stood an older man dressed in a waist coat and breeches, looking completely unphased, unlike my slack-jawed self.
“Well, Miss Katherine,” he spoke in a polished British accent. “You certainly have kept us waiting.”

The Stories that Help Us Grieve

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Book Review, Books, Empty Shelf Challenge, Reading

As I writer, I rarely find myself without words. After my mentor passed, words were hard.

I didn’t write for months and socializing just seemed a little too daunting. It was an odd season in which I

definitely felt displaced.

And eventually I began to process what had happened and how I felt and I began to heal. The words returned and I was able to embrace a new normal. Still, there were parts of what I was experiencing  that I still didn’t quite have the words for.

Narrative is a powerful thing. I’ve heard it described as a tarnished mirror. You see what is happening on the surface–the characters, the conflict– like the marks on the glass’ surface. But if the narrative is truly doing its job, you begin to see beyond the marks on the glass and actually glimpse your reflection. You see a little bit of your own heart and nature as you observe the joys and griefs of the characters. The injustice makes you angry, but it also forces you to observe the injustice in your own mind.

There is something in the power of narrative that is humbling, eye opening, and, at times, earth shattering.

About a year and a half after my mentor passed, I encountered a book that achieved this for me.

I’m sure you’ve heard all the buzz surrounding The Fault in Our Stars this summer. John Green wrote a fabulous novel about two cancer-riddled teens falling in love. A lot of kiddos believe it to be a great love story that pulls at the heart-strings, makes one run out of kleenex, blah, blah, blah.

But there was something in the way Green wrote Hazel’s narration. He got it. It was all there. The tension of living with someone who is dying. The pain, the awkwardness, and even the humor–because there is a humor that comes out of it. John Green had happened upon something I hadn’t in a long long time.

The words.

And it was so clarifying and freeing. After I finished the book, I continued to sit and I just cried. Tears of grief because I missed her, tears of joy because I know where she is, and tears because I had been given a little bit of myself back.

I’m forever thankful for that novel.

In his review of the movie made from his brother’s book, Hank Green said this:

I cried. I cried a bunch of times, but not because it subtracted from me, but because it added to me. It opened up the mysteries of life and love and hurt for examination and for understanding and I think that’s something that world needs more of.

I agree deeply with this statement. Sad things for the sake of sadness take from us. They take joy and hope and balanced outlook. But then there are sad things that better us. That give us hope, renew our trust in God, and bring us closer to truth. That’s what The Fault in Our Stars was able to do for me.

A dear writing friend of mine, Susie Finkbeiner understood our need for understanding of hard things as well as the need for that to add to us rather than subtract from us.

Her book, My Mother’s Chamomile, explores the journey of a family of funeral directors in a season of loss. Susie used her own grief as well as those graciously shared with her to make a beautiful story that rings true and brings hope in the midst of sadness. I cried many times through the course of reading, but in the end, I was added to. God was able to expand my capacity for hope in the midst of pain as well as my understanding of the human heart.

I so appreciate Susie’s willingness to go to the hard places of her own pain as well as her passion to tell a story dripping with truth. She has done a fabulous job and I would love it if you would take the time to read it.

So why am I writing about this? Well, for starters, starting on Thursday, My Mother’s Chamomile is $0.99 for Kindle readers and I think you should buy it. But also, I think it’s important to know what narrative can do for us. That God uses all things for his glory including fiction. And sometimes that fiction can be healing.

Stories that reach into the depth of our nature when we feel the most human do something to us. We are being invited to be added to. To understand the pain of someone else, but also to understand our own hurt and hope. This is why I love what I am called to do. I hope one day to be able to write something that will provide what these stories have provided me.

What stories have been powerful in a dark season for you? Do you have a story that helped you in the grieving process?

Friday Favorites: August–My 5 Favorites Concerning Writer’s Conferences.

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Breathe Conference, Writing Thoughts

Autumn is usually a time in which I get to enjoy some writing events. I have found writing conferences to be valuable both professionally and personally. I have met so many wonderful people and have become a better storyteller.

If you’re a writer, journalist, fellow-blogger, reader, author-stalker, I’ve got my five favorite things about writing conferences here!

1. Meet industry professionals

I hate networking. It makes me feel schmucky. But writers conferences give you a chance to meet authors and publishers in a relaxed setting. It’s been really great to learn that networking is not just getting to know people to use them in the future. Not at all. It’s really just getting to know people.

And it turns out people in the publishing industry are pretty cool. Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to people while at a conference or writing event.

2. New books!

Some of the best books I’ve read in the past few years are those I heard of or bought at a writers conference. And there is usually a bookstore at these things. Seriously. It’s pretty great!

3. Know trends and tools of the industry

Want to know where things are headed in the writing world? Want to learn how to do things more efficiently or closer to industry standards? Writing conferences are great to get this kind of information directly from the horse’s mouth!

A lot of what I learned about blogging has been from writing conferences. It’s a great way to get pointers on building a platform as an author, learn how to put together a proposal, or even just find out what it takes to get a book to the public.

4. Better your craft

Want to be a better writer? Read a ton, write even more, and go to a conference. Seriously. These elements are what have helped me improve the most as a writer. But I’m still not great, so I find going to a conference so valuable. It’s like vitamins for your writing life.

Presenting authors share their struggles and what they’ve found to help. Getting a peak inside the mind of a more experienced writer can really encourage and give you some thoughts to make your own writing better.

5. The community

By far my favorite thing about writing conferences is catching up with writing friends. Western Michigan has a pretty tight-knit writing community that is so wonderful to be a part of. The best part is that it is tight-knit, but so welcoming to new comers.

Writing conferences really foster relationships between writers. We are there to encourage one another and share what we’ve been learning.

If you’re in western Michigan or don’t mind traveling here, there are a couple awesome writing events coming the the next couple months.

The first is Jot. I’ve talked about this free mini writing conference before. This time it is being held on September 21 at Baker Book House in Grand Rapids. Held in just one night, presenters give a fifteen minute hyper-session chock-full of great writing tips and tools. I highly recommend this for someone afraid to make the time or financial commitment to a full writer’s conference.

The second is my favorite writing conference, Breathe. The Breathe Conference is held every year. It is geared for everyone from beginning writers to publishing veterans. The discussions and sessions are rich and the folks in attendance are generous and so friendly. I highly recommend this conference to anyone.

The Breathe Conference is being held this year on October 10-11 at the Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. Food is included in the very reasonable cost, so you can’t beat that. And you might even run into me there!

These are my five favorite writer’s conference things. Have you ever been to a writing conference? What are some of your favorite experiences?