Lex’s World – Page 6 – Alexis De Weese

The Rule and Currency of Grace

Posted on November 7, 2016November 21, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

My post is late this week mostly because I have not been in the head-space to write a post I would be comfortable with by the time it hit your eyes. I’ve been keyed up all day and it only just hit me tonight why. (I’m coming at you live from Monday night.)

See, I collaborate with a few friends on a project that brings me a lot of energy and joy. A situation has recently come up where I have felt one way and a couple of my friends have felt very differently. I’m quite passionate about my stance, but a kind friend pointed out gently that for the sake of the group, this is probably a battle not worth fighting.
It wasn’t until my drive home that I realized how demanding I was of justice rather than mercy for some of the people involved in this project.

And then it all came together.

I’ve been feeling rather anxious for a while. I think you may be feeling some of this as well.

Watching my social media channels spiral farther and farther in to pits of cruel statements, thoughtless insults, guilt-laden tirades, I have been appalled by the behavior of so many friends and leaders. Disgusted is actually the word.

Many in my world I have highly respected have been spouting nasty sentiments across the internet for the sake of “biblical politics” and I am very ashamed of what I’ve witnessed.

And before anyone points fingers, let me set the record straight and say that this is from both sides. And my Christian friends—in general—have been much less forgiving than my friends who are not.

I have felt very disillusioned by the body of Christ as we have approached election day and I know I am part of the problem as much as anyone. For months, I think we’ve been asking where is the kindness and the reason? Where is the compassion and the decisions informed by love. These are all things that have been absent, yes, but it hit me on my drive this evening like lightening. Like God whapping me in the back of the head with a ruler (because that is sometimes what it takes.):

Grace.

Grace was what I wasn’t calculating in with the work I do with my friends.

Grace is what we have been missing this election. The laying down of what I deserve for the sake of blessing my neighbor. The understanding that I may not be right, but God is in control and will make all right in his time no matter if my neighbor agrees with me or not. No matter if my country agrees with me or not. No matter if I trust my president or not.

It is by grace we are ruled. Grace is the currency in which we deal. So why has this been so absent from our discourse?

There are good people in every spot on the political spectrum. Image bearers with strong, passionate, and informed beliefs—beliefs that may be different from yours, but are just as important to them as yours are to you.

My sweet and wise friend sent me words I needed when I confessed how anxious I was feeling in my indecision over tomorrow:

“What needs to happen is repentance and people coming to the conclusion that our nation isn’t the church. You just have to do the best at what God has given you to do.”

Can we repent our lack of grace together? Can we walk into the polls tomorrow knowing that all we can do is vote in a way that demonstrates how we feel our country can best care for our neighbors given the choices before us? Can we respect that others in our body are just trying to do the same, even if it is not the choice we ourselves would make?

We do not have to answer for the decisions made by leaders above our station. They will. God will care for his people no matter what happens. There is no vote a child of God will cast tomorrow that is less “Christian” than any other.

Walk in grace. Show grace to a world that so desperately needs that. That’s what we have been supposed to be doing.

I think tomorrow is as good a chance as any to start.

Dear Church: A Letter from a Twenty-Something Young Professional

Posted on October 24, 2016October 24, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Dear Church,

Thank you for noticing that there was a lack of programming for twenty-somethings in your (little ‘c’) church. Thank you for rising to the challenge and creating a group for post-college adults, or singles, or young professionals, or “emerge,” or whatever you’ve decided to call that thing.

I say that without an ounce of sarcasm.

But here’s where it gets tricky, because do you know what I want? What I’m really hungry for?

It’s not meeting in an abandoned warehouse you rented, or the basement of the coolest club, or some space in your building where you repurposed and installed Edison bulbs and hooked a record player up to the sound system. It’s not throwing the word “authentic” around as many times as grammar will allow in all its various forms. (Seriously, stop it.)

It’s people.

I want the people.

Do you know how easy it is for me to live my life day-in and day-out without anyone knowing how I’m doing? How I’m really doing?

And sometimes I don’t even know how long its been, because I’m so used to it.

I can sit down at some brewery where you host your pub theology event, but discussing what may be wrong in the church in light of politics doesn’t let me know where you’re at in your soul and it sure as hell doesn’t do anything for that ache in my chest to be known and accepted.

Because you want to know what millennials want?

It’s the same thing you want! Love, acceptance, understanding, knowing they are not out alone in the darkness, that there are people there to catch them when it feels like they might spin off in the oblivion.

We just want to know that what feels like the end of the world right now is not.

We want a place at the grown-up table and a stake in the conversation that Jesus started two thousand years ago.

We want you to know that we could care so much if you’d just give us permission to care!

It’s not about how your building looks or how up-to-the-minute your band is. It’s about what it’s always been about! Caring about people.

I’m really bad at this! I’ll be the first to admit it. It takes time and vulnerability and sometimes the people that are available to you aren’t the people you’d like to share your life with. But God put the people in front of us that he did for a reason.

And, maybe, Church, God has placed young adults in front of you for a reason. Not just so you could create an over-grown youth group for them, but so you could ask them how life is going and really listen. And maybe so they could ask you the same question and you could tell them honestly in return.

Because we just want to know that someone cares enough to be honest with us. We just want someone out there to know how we’re doing—how we’re really doing. And to not be afraid to share themselves in that way too.

So again, thank you for creating a space for us in your programming. But can we have a space in your life?

The Spinster Abroad

Posted on October 17, 2016October 16, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

So I think it’s about time I gave you an Iceland post…

If you didn’t know, I went to Iceland a month ago. I realized a week before I left that I had not informed some key people in my world that I was even taking this trip—like my grand parents or even my best friend, which felt like a big relating fail and I’m realizing that I didn’t tell you either.

Kirkjufell (Church Mountain) is one of the most photographed sights on the island. This beaut was situated across from our gorgeous little guesthouse.

So I went to Iceland! Sorry I didn’t tell you before.

Never have I been to a place so saturated in beauty. I can wax eloquent forever, but I think I’ll just leave it at the thought that never have I felt so small in a place. Between the heft of cliffs and mountains and the never-ending collection of water falls, my eyes and heart were full and I’m forever grateful for the experience.

The true value of the trip came to me while journaling in the sunroom of one of our guest houses mid-trip. See, Iceland was maybe not the ideal location for little-prissy me. But I wanted wonder and I wanted inspiration and a chance to gain back some imaginative real estate. I’m not an avid hiker—I more like a lovely stroll with maybe a steep hill or two. I’m not a risk taker—at least if I am, I like to really think it all through. But this was so worth it and so valuable.

I was journaling in our little guest house across the bay from Kirkjufell after a rainy day of adventures and I was struck by the thought that I was going to be alright.

I mean, on the trip, yes, but also in life. See, I’ve written a lot about taking advantage of this season of singleness and finding contentment where God has placed you, but behind that has always been a fear.

What if this isn’t just a season? If I’m not content now, will I ever be? Is there something wrong with me?

That evening, journaling prayers, God was able to calm these tightly carried anxieties.

My friend and I planned the entire trip start to finish, just the two of us. We were taking a calculated, but kind of crazy risk being in a remote country alone, but we were here and God was blessing so much of the journey. And we were alright. More than alright—we were having an amazing time.

And it was in that realization that the thought came:

If this was going to be my life, it was going to be an alright one. If God’s plan is for it to be just me, myself, and I, the life He has given will not be bad. It will not be without love and relationship. It will not be without adventure or heartache. It will not be a life without purpose. It may be a quiet, small, and maybe nondescript one, but a fine one none the less.

For the first time—and maybe this is an embarrassing confession since I write about this a lot—I felt at peace with where God has placed me. This life isn’t about finding your person or your dream job or ideal body weight. He has so much more waiting for you. There is a life of depth and hope and beauty waiting to be lived when we’re willing to live in trust of His plan.

So, maybe this isn’t a post about Iceland, but rather about what I got to bring back with me.

Full-Circle: On Breathe and Gratitude

Posted on October 10, 2016October 12, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Once upon a time not that long ago in a land not that far away, a sixteen year old girl walked into a writing conference not knowing a soul except for an author friend who would be speaking.
She and her little memo pad settled into a chair near the back of the room for her first breakout session, heart-hammering wondering why on earth she thought it was a good idea to sign up for this thing.
I mean who was going to take this kid seriously, writing manuscripts in her parents basement because she was bored with what the library had to offer. What did she have to offer? Who cared what she had to say?
But that little girl didn’t know that this was exactly where she needed to be. Because there were people there that weren’t going to accept her as a punk-kid, but as a real-life writer. A real-life, blood-sweat-and-tears writer who had things to say and they wanted to read them.

It was either add to the Instagram story or curl up in the fettle position…

Flashforward seven years later and someone decided it would be a good idea to put that little girl in front of a stage in front of potentially two hundred people and have her talk. And no, she didn’t die (but believe me, the potential was there! I felt it!) and people actually cared what she had to say.

I walk away from this year’s Breathe Conference deeply humbled and deeply grateful. Not only for the small ways God used some of my flippant decisions for his glory, but also for the sweet sweet encouragement from this weekend and the sense that things had come full circle.

If you were to ask me what decision has changed my life the most, I would first say that it was a decision to get on a boat (different story, different time.) But that decision led me to my first Breathe conference and God has used that to open up doors in so many situations in life. It is the reason I chose the school I did, it’s the reason I have the dear dear friends that I do, it is the reason I have had so many great (and not-so-great, but still valuable) professional experiences.

Saturday night, after everyone had cleared out from the conference, I found myself at a table surrounded by all the people who have influenced the woman and writer I have become and I was totally overcome by a deep wave of gratitude for how far God has not only carried Breathe, but has carried me. (And yeah, I ugly cried in front of God and everybody. You totally missed out.)

So what does this have to do with you?

No a lot, but I do have one challenge for you:

Say ‘Yes.’

If God is poking at you to take a step, take it. Even if it scares the crap out of you. Even if you feel you are unworthy, unqualified, or unequipped. Because guess what? You don’t get to decide that. Your creator does.

How different things would look if I had shoved down my desire at sixteen to go to this little writers conference. And how different my weekend would have looked if I had turned down the opportunity to speak. (My mental stability probably would have looked a lot different as well, but that’s neither here nor there…)

God takes our stale bread and smelly fish and makes a meal out of it for people we’ve never even met. He takes my little bit of experience and ability to rant for an hour and uses that to bring maybe a little bit of encouragement. He takes my scared-out-of-its-mind sixteen year old butt and sits it down at a conference in order to connect me to his plan and his people in a way I’ve never experienced before.

All because of timid, doubting yeses.

Celebrate Your Story

Posted on September 12, 2016September 8, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Breathe Conference, Lex's World, Writing Thoughts

I’ve been a writer for eleven years now. (Don’t do the math. It’s embarrassing.) In those eleven years, I have learned many things. Among them:

You should not send your entire manuscript to an award-winning author even if they have befriended your high school self and gave you their email address. That’s not why they gave it to you.
Sometimes those with more experience are wrong about your work. (Most of the time they are probably right, but sometimes their not.)
Read the classics. If you don’t want to do that, it is because you live under a rock where you’ve believed they are boring your entire life. You’re wrong. They are not boring.
Liking boys just because they said they like to read is an okay thing to do. Believing you will one day marry a boy just because he says that is an ill-informed belief.
Sometimes you will like your made-up people better than your real-life people. That’s okay for a couple hours, but don’t make that a permanent state of being.
You should send your first three chapters to the kid in your fiction workshop class who is unexplainably excited about what you’ve written.
You should also ask the girl who sits next to you in that workshop about her opinions on your characters, especially since she’ll still talk to you after reading what you’ve written. They are both good eggs and will be some great cheerleaders.
Don’t get discouraged when older writers get published when they’ve been doing this a shorter time than you. You’re 18 and you’ve got time.
Go to the conference your professor recommends. It’s going to change your whole perspective on the calling you’ve been given.
Don’t let the guy who doesn’t think art is a valid life calling get you down. But also stop dating him. First boyfriends aren’t supposed to be last boyfriends anyway. There are plenty of other mistakes to make once college is over.
Someone’s opinion on Oxford commas is a good litmus test for starting a friendship (namely, if they have one.)
Writing is hard and sometimes the time isn’t there and sometimes the words aren’t there. Don’t freak out. It will not always be hard. You will learn to make the time. The words will return. Breathe in, breathe out. That’s all you’re in control of.

These are just a few of the pitfalls and strange lessons of my writing journey that I’m celebrating. I owe a lot of these lessons to the Breathe Conference and the community I have come to know and love through it.
We celebrate the conference’s tenth anniversary this year and I want to invite you in to that. If you are on a writing journey, let’s celebrate it on October 7 & 8. James Scott Bell will be there as will a whole other host of great writers.
Register today and I’ll see you there!

Loving Ugly and Struggling Pretty

Posted on September 5, 2016September 5, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Spirituality

I’ve noticed recently that I take grace with a grain of salt.

I don’t know when this became the case, but for a while now, I’ve been behaving on the instinct that though I believe in God’s great mercy, I haven’t quite earned it, so I can’t quite rest in it.

Um…miss the point much?

But this has been the understanding I’ve been unconsciously shouldering! And as result of not understanding grace, I have not accepted grace, and not accepting grace, I have become terrible at offering it.

See, I have an unfortunate heart. We all do.

Ugly and scraggly. A little scabby, a little slimy. Small and dying—no life to pump in, no life to pump out.

When I’ve thought about surrendering my whole heart, I’ve always felt guilty about the parts I haven’t wanted to hand over. But those weren’t the only parts God wasn’t getting because somewhere along the line, I made an assumption.

I decided that there were pieces of my heart God didn’t want.

For so long, I have been handing him pieces as I’ve deemed them fixable, while feeling guilty for having parts I think are too far gone. I’ve been frustrated when I am unable to fix my own brokenness or clean my own heart-junk.

I’ve tried to hide it or compensate for it for so long, but I’m tired. And I just long for someone to love my ugly.

But he wants those bits just as badly as I want them to be loved! He wants this shriveled, crusty little heart enough to die for it.

He longs for our ugly, dirty, and broken. There is nothing to redeem in perfect, whole, and shiny. There’s no dependence on him in what I insist on healing myself.

Penny & Sparrow is a folk duo I’ve really come to respect. (Stick with me, it’ll circle back. I promise.) Their music is beautiful and at times surprising. Their lyrics are thoughtful and so damn honest it sometimes hurts.

As I’ve been wrestling in my brokenness over the past few weeks, it has become apparent that God has been trying to get my attention—he has been trying to ask for my ugly heart again and again. A stanza of their song ‘To Haunt, to Startle’ has come to mind during this wrestling, God reminding me of his invitation.

So, choke back smoke and cough up glass…
This whole place is ending; know that it’s not built to last.
When you hear nothing…
And you feel less…
Your struggle is pretty,
Sit still, and know that I know what is best.

The pain in the ugly both within and without are temporary. We are invited into something lasting. We are invited to hand over small, battered hearts in a daily struggle. It is that struggle that God finds pretty. It is in the wrestling he is well pleased. It is in the stillness he begins to bind our wounds.

This is the gospel I’ve had to preach to myself over and over in the past few weeks. It’s the gospel we need to preach to ourselves daily.

So on this Labor Day, as we pause and rest before plunging in again, I want to invite you in to stillness. I want to invite you to remember that your ugly is loved and your struggle is found pretty.

The Bible College Spinster: Greener Grasses

Posted on June 6, 2016September 4, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness, Spirituality

I write this post in the bliss of everyone else’s wedded bliss. I spent this past weekend at helping at the wedding of my sweet college roommate and will get to watch one of my dearest friends walk down the aisle next weekend. I have to say it: I am in love with love.

There is something so wonderful in watching someone you care so deeply about find their person. That person who treats them with kindness and respect. To watch their love story’s prologue end and the plot actually begin is such an honor.

I say this with no sarcasm.

See, somewhere along the line, culture decided that single women are angry and bitter and can’t stomach seeing someone enjoy being in love. But why?

I’m just angry and bitter about the fact that people assume I’m angry and bitter. Here’s the truth about being jealous:

It’s a waste of time.

As a fairy tale fanatic, I may have been fascinated with happily ever after for a little too long. But “I do” is not some magic shot to happiness and singleness is not a life-sentence to drudgery.

The grass is not greener in either camp—it’s just different. Married or single, you still have the same insecurities, same brokenness, same pet peeves, and hurt, and longings, and on and on it goes. Because you’re still you.

If you didn’t know how to handle your temper with anyone before, you certainly won’t with a spouse. If you struggled with your self worth on your own, it’s only going to be magnified in a committed relationship. If you didn’t know how to process tragedy in your single days, it will be no easier to weather the storm bound to someone.

The escape from struggle is not marriage—and there is a temptation to look for it there. We’ve read the novels and watched the movies and listened to the songs that tells us that all we need is to find that person that is going to make us feel strong and secure and without fault. And that that person is a human that just happens to be ridiculously good looking and wealthy to boot.

Here’s the real truth of it: a spouse was never intended to redeem you. That’s not fair pressure to put on any of your relationships and it’s not fair for that to be placed on you.

If that’s what you’re looking for in your relationship, then you are going to be sorely disappointed, my friend.

I am NOT saying that God needs to be your spouse first. (If you’re chasing after Jesus-is-my-boyfriend theology, then there is an even bigger discussion we need to be having.)

I am saying that before I can be jealous that someone gets to enter into marriage while I’m in a stage of singleness, I need to really swallow that neither camp is superior or inferior to the other. I also need to take account of what I’m looking to get out of a relationship.

Yes, I crave that intimacy and companionship. I also crave wholeness and redemption. Marriage can’t promise these things and I need to remember who can.

Married or not, you are loved by the giver of all good things. In this knowledge, anger and bitterness don’t stand a chance.

The Bible College Spinster: Living Deliberately

Posted on May 23, 2016September 4, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

The word “intentionally” gets thrown around a lot in the church today. “We’re loving intentionally,” “I’m pursuing this relationship intentionally,” “I’m intentionally praying that…”

We use it so much, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning. It just means there is purpose to something, right? So why are we using the word without purpose?

We all have purpose for doing things, especially things we have been convicted to do.

In this quest to pursue biblical personhood over biblical woman or wifehood, I’ve mentioned trying to wring this season dry. Part of that pursuit has been doing.

Just doing. Anything and everything, saying no to nothing.

This has lead to weekends in Chicago and Austin, three conferences in a month, an opportunity to produce a video, an agreement to be a plenary speaker at my favorite conference, a fantastic concert, 3 bridal showers, 2 bachelorettes, numerous nights out with friends from all over the state, and some wonderful conversations.

But fast-forward to now and you have one tired girl here.

I’m not saying the past two months have not been wonderful. I would not trade them for anything.

I will say that they have not been filled with the most intention.

It looks like a woman sleeping until noon after weeks and weeks of going, going, going. It looks like a writer who hasn’t written anything but blog posts in a month. It looks like a woman who hasn’t made space for silence and beginning to feel the effects of not spending time with the Father. It looks like an introvert with nothing left to give except the motions.

In my pursuit of intentionally living into my singleness, I somehow lost the meaning of that word. Somehow, the word mutated to mean, “do everything because you’re single.” The purpose was lost and the fatigue set in.

Realizing this, I have been using a new word: deliberately.

I am deliberately trying to suss out a place and a purpose in this season. In a time where the next big “next” is allusive and vague, I want to embrace where I am, but not as a frantic pursuit of anything that might be out there.

Right now, deliberate looks like making time and physical space for quiet. It looks like moments scheduled to write. It looks like reaching out to voices of wisdom in my life regularly for accountability and insight.

It looks like slowing down and taking stock of what is important and what is here in the now.

Bible College Spinster: The Longing Thwarted

Posted on May 9, 2016May 12, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness

I have been slightly suspicious that some people get engaged just to piss other people off.

Like that really socially awkward chick that creeped the crap our of you your freshman year? Yeah, Facebook just informed you that she’s engaged to that longhaired, greasy-faced goon that engaged in light-saber battles on the weekends when he wasn’t too busy staring for too long at the chests of other women.

And there is no way in hell you would trade places with her…frankly because you had a class with her fiance once and he always smelled vaguely of Cheetos and the air always felt a little moist around him and that was troubling…

But that gut-rot is still present. There is something in the moment of reading that post while taking a Netflix binge break in your sweatpants in your parents basement after berating yourself for polishing off the iced animal crackers only a couple hours after opening them that makes you feel jealous.

There is something in our deepest longing that rouses a passion in us. First the passion of fulfilling the longing at all costs, often followed by the passion of the longing thwarted.

If you ever want to feel like a longing has been thwarted, go to a wedding of a not close friend and bring a crappy attitude as your plus one.

Jealousy is not something we ever want to admit to, but it is that always lurking presence as a friend talks about a great first date, as you stand awkwardly waiting for the bride to throw the bouquet, as you buy diapers for your sister’s baby shower.

I think we’re too afraid to admit we’re jealous. It’s an unattractive and sinful thing—we’re all on the same page—but it’s still a reality. Jealousy is still something we need to own. To stuff it down is to let it fester and to let it fester is to let yourself become bitter.

We are to mourn for those who mourn and we rejoice with those who rejoice , it’s true. But what about when someone’s rejoicing brings our own mourning to light.

It can be painful to watch your girlfriends go down the aisle when you don’t even have a date at your side. Friend, I totally get this.

I also get (and had to get it the hard way) that ignoring the fact that it is painful can be harmful to you and your friendships. Please, as you start attending weddings and showers this spring, be honest with God and with yourself. Acknowledge the pain you may feel, but also don’t forget that this is a time to celebrate your friend.

Because here is another truth: The fact that your friend is getting married doesn’t mean you won’t. The fact that someone else feels joy in a season where you are experiencing mourning doesn’t mean you can’t rejoice with where they are at.

Acknowledge what you feel, yes please do! But also learn to maneuver the tension of joy and pain as they exist side-by-side.

I think Joy Eggerichs speaks into this really well. I’ve had a huge woman-crush on Joy for a while and have really appreciated the ministry Love and Respect Now.This ask Joy video addresses this topic really well. Watch to the end for some great sing-a-long fun.

Friday Favorites: April 2016

Posted on April 29, 2016April 24, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Friday Favorites, Lex's World

April Favorites

Something to try: Austin, TX

Earlier this month, a co-worker and I got to go to Austin for a conference. The conference was great, but we also loved getting to explore the city at night. So many quirky shops and great food trucks (food trucks!!!!), I was pretty much in heaven.
I’m looking forward to a girls weekend trip there soon.

Austin at dusk. I snapped this photo while racing across Congress Bridge to avoid watching the bat colony below fly out. I failed. Bats are gross. The capital in the distance is cool though!

Something to click: MOCKINGBIRD

This online magazine has been great source for thoughtful and intelligent discussion. I’ve been really impressed by the diverse voices and great writers that make up the content here. These folks tackle philosophy, current events, literature, Netflix…ya know, the important things.
Check out some of my favorites over the past few weeks here, here, here, and here.

Something to read: SURPRISED BY OXFORD

In my quarter-life crisising, I’ve been playing with the idea of starting a masters. Most of that was inspired by this wonderful memoir. Carolyn Weber recounts her first year of grad school at Oxford University—where she just so happened to encounter Christ. Equal parts thoughtful, funny, and just downright smart, I could not put this book down. And am still trying to figure out if I could get into Oxford…on someone else’s dime. (Or quid, as it were.)

Something to watch:Upstairs Neighbors

If you’re living in a small apartment with loud neighbors, this is what is happening. Glad YouTube could solve the mystery for you.

Something to listen to: LORD HURON

This was one of the best concerts I’ve been to. Saw them in October and am still geeking over it.
I’ve been hearing their music everywhere as of late and they are on the roster for all the major festivals this year, and yet so many people I know have not heard of them.
The band’s front man is telling a multi-medium story through not only the music, but music videos and even a comic book. Such brilliant artistry and just plain great music.