Everyone Needs a Paul, Everyone Needs a Timothy Part II

Last week, we started a discussion on mentoring. It’s important to be poured into by those further along life’s path. But what do you do once you’ve been filled?

I have found that as I have been so generously poured into, that I must pour into others.

Everyone needs a Paul. Everyone needs a Timothy.

We need to support and mentor and hold one-another accountable; encouraging one another toward the father, not shaming each other into isolation. This is community. We also need to serve those behind us on the path. We need to mentor as much as we need to be mentored.

So now the lies tend to sink in. I’m too young.  I have nothing of value to say. I’ve messed up too many times. No one should look to me as an example.

Please recognize these as lies, my friend. God has redeemed and forgiven you. He has been working in your life, growing and stretching you, revealing himself through your life.

My small group leader in high school recently gave a sermon about mentoring those further down the path from us. He says, “So often we feel that our failures disqualify us from any influence. You’re on your second marriage, you’ve been bankrupt, you can’t get a certain part of your life under-wraps, you’re still struggling with porn once a month. I say this: if you’re struggling once a month, what has God done in your life to whittle it down that far? Find somebody who’s struggling on a daily basis and go public; expose your own journey. It’s in the killing of the shame and secrecy and alienation that comes from sin that we can actually step into the discipleship process at a multi-generational level.”

He continues, saying that our failures have taught us some of the greatest lessons in life. And why not share that wisdom we have been gifted with through the pain and heartache and shame? Why not allow that to be used to build the kingdom?

The reason the women who have discipled me have had such an impact in my life is not because they are bible-thumping, church-goddess women. Not at all! It is because they are real. They have invited God into the struggle and are beginning to learn to do that well. It is because they are soft and willing to share what has been revealed to them.

This is the kind of woman I want to be. Soft, strengthened by the Father. This is the kind of woman he is shaping me into. And as such, I am not to keep silent about what he has been teaching me. I am to go out and speak. I am to pour into the lives of those behind me on the path out of what God as done in me.

The girls I mentor add a vibrance to my life. Their excitement and potential are encouraging. Watching them embark on their own relationships with Jesus has been a privilege.

Are you influencing someone’s life? Think about a young girl in your life who may want the input of a young adult woman in her life.

It’s a beautiful blessing to be poured into and turn to pour out into someone else.

So who is your Paul? Who is your Timothy?

Everyone Needs a Paul, Everyone Needs a Timothy Part I

A friend once shared a phrase in a small group that I thought was a great piece of wisdom:

Everyone needs a Peter. Everyone needs a Timothy.

I want to spend a couple weeks taking about this concept. Mentoring and being mentored has been such a huge part of my life and I’d love to talk about that with you.

Essentially, who are you pouring into? Who is pouring into you?
I have shared previously that I lost my mentor to cancer in my Sophomore year of college. She was a wonderful woman who really influenced my love for serving high school students and I am forever grateful for her impact in my life.

After she passed, all I really wanted was to talk about it with someone. Someone older, outside of my home. My family had heard me talk about her a lot. I wanted someone else’s perspective. I wanted to talk to her.

That was probably the hardest part. In this dark season, all I really wanted was for someone to pour into me, to share their wisdom and bring some comfort. I wanted a mentor. And I had had one. And she was gone.

It was a hard and heavy cycle.

It wasn’t until a very dear friend and professor met with me to talk about what was going on, how I was handling things. She gave me permission to grieve and affirmed where I was at. She asked me some questions that I had to chew on for a few months before I could actually answer them. It was good. It was beautiful. It was redemptive.

This woman took time out of her life to pour into me. It was a gift I am forever grateful for.

We’re all in need of community, but not always just a community of peers. We are called to be part of the body of Christ which is made up of multiple generations who are given the opportunity to bless one another with their wisdom and experiences.

Recently,  a few women have spoken into my life. They are just in the next camp in life and have so willingly shared with me their experiences with me. We have gotten to lift one another up in prayer and to pace along side each other on the journey. It has helped so much in this season as God is stretching me for whatever he has next.

Do you have someone in your life to speak wisdom and encouragement to you? Someone who will share their journey with you?

If you don’t, I highly suggest looking at the older women in your life. Is there someone at your church who may want to share their story with you? Do you have a small group program for young adults? If you don’t have an individual in your life right now who might fill this role, please pray for God to bring her along.

We are in community together to build one another up. We are to be taught and discipled. It’s humbling, energizing, and necessary. Having an older, wiser voice in your life is a wonderful gift I pray you have or will soon receive.

Next week, we’ll talk about being a mentor, even if you don’t feel you don’t have anything to share.

Friday Favorites: July

This month we’re back to a classic Friday Favorites post. I’ve been saving up some random loves that I am quite excited to share. Here’s some random favorites for you to check out and see if you might enjoy!

1. This Disney Short
This video was so lovely. ‘The Duet’ wordlessly tells a beautifully simple love story in a matter of minutes. Definitely worth taking the time to watch.

2. This Owl Mug

Last week I bought a mug on a doughnut run for work. It was an adorable owl mug that I figured would be nice to use the small stock of tea bags I had on my shelf in the office. It’s odd, but having the mug there and the ability to have tea during breaks really helps me keep my sanity at work. I have added this to the list just to suggest that a small little happy in your day goes a long way. What’s a small thing that helps you step out of your complaints and reminds you that life is gift?

3. This Engagement Shoot… fur real though…

See what I did there? If not, well, just take this in for a minute.
I am a sucker for odd pins on Pinterest. Those pins that seem so illogical. Like why? Just why? A friend and I stumbled upon this one and found it so charming and just plain odd, I had to share it with you guys. I present the bear-head engagement photo shoot. This is a really thing. It’s whimsical and features wonderful photography. The couple is also wearing bear heads. This is a thing, people!

4. This Web Series
The New Adventures of Peter and Wendy is one of my new favorite things on the internet. For any fans of the Lizzie Bennett Diaries, I would highly recommend this. This adorable series is a re-telling of J.M. Berries Peter Pan set in modern day Ohio. It’s so precious. I really can’t get over how adorable the actress who plays Wendy is. This is a very fun way to kill four to seven minutes of your life at a time. Check it out!

5. This Band
I’m not a rap fan.
That said, a friend introduced me to Movits!, a Swedish hip-hop group. It’s like Mumford & Son’s rapping to jazz. And it’s a lot of fun. Check out this playlist. I hope you enjoy it!

Joy and the Shepherd

I accompanied a friend and her wonderful family to a wedding a couple weeks ago and had such a splendid time. Everything was so beautiful and the reception was such a blast. I love dancing like a weirdo with great friends. I had not seen many of her family members in a while, so there was plenty of catching up over dinner.

While describing to her mother where I am at in life, I found myself feeling like a cheese-ball. All I could talk about was even though this season was pretty ambiguous, things were actually really great and God had been so faithful. I kept repeating how great God was in this midst of the unknown. If I was hearing me talk, I would probably have rolled my eyes. (Inwardly, of course.)

Except that I was being totally honest.

 Which was a shock to me. I was happy. No, not happy–Joyful. God has been so wonderful in the midst of all my I -don’t-know-where-my-life-is-headed-this-is-so-confusing meltdowns. He has allowed me to be angry with him and to pray through that to a place of peace and trust.

I’m not going to lie, this has been one of the most difficult seasons. It has been–and continues to be–an inward struggle. What will I choose today? Contentment or worry? Trust or control? I don’t often choose correctly. But it’s a moment by moment choice. I am always welcomed to choose to turn.

The pastor at my church spoke this week, using his grandchildren as an illustration. Last year he challenged them all to memorize Psalm 23 and to reflect on the question ‘Who are you tempted to follow as your false shepherd?’ And this wasn’t just a question they had to answer once, but think on for the entire year.

I’ve been thinking on it for the past week as I meditate on the Psalm. Who am I tempted to follow as my false shepherd?

As God and I have been wrestling for the past couple weeks, it has become very apparent that I demand control. I want things my way and in my timing. If I cannot manipulate to make that happen, I fret about all the possible outcomes and dream up ways to compensate. I become consumed by what I cannot control or have or make yield to me.

I hold a death-grip over what is not mine.

But the Lord is my shepherd! I am just a sheep. It is the shepherd’s job to provide for his sheep. To lead them beside quiet waters, to make them rest in green pastures.

He is making me rest in green pastures in this stage of limbo. To slow down and rest in what he provides and nothing more. And it’s hard. I want to get up and go and make my way. But I am just a little sheep.

I must hand over my want for control and rest up. To take in God’s grace and the wisdom from his people and his word and prepare for the unknown next. So I have begun to open up my fists and let go of what I have wrongly grasped.

And what have I found in the handing over?

Joy.

I wish and pray for the same thing for you, my friend.

So what about you? Who are you tempted to follow as your false shepherd? I would love to hear in the comments or by email! Tell me your story!

Wading in Tension

A few months ago, an acquaintance of mine shared a thought that I had to chew on for a couple days:

An artist has to wade through the tension in life, but really, the tension is the gift.

The tension is the gift.
Do I ever look at it like that? I don’t know about you, but I spend my days striving to rid my life of tension. Solving problems, knocking things off my to-do list, trying to free up as much time for myself as possible. Toil free, work free, problem free, tension free.
And yet, tension always seems to show up. In relationships, in my schedule, in my work. It is always there. Like the pimple that just won’t die!
preppy bohemia lens clouded womanAt least, that’s how I’ve been seeing it through the glasses I’ve had on for most of my life. But through a new lens, tension begins to look a little different.
For the past few weeks, I have been going through the interview process for a job I would really enjoy. I am optimistic as I wait, but just over my shoulder is the fear that I may not get it. It seems like the perfect fit for my current employment needs and my experience, but a lot of things in the past few months have looked so positive and then fallen through. So that niggling voice in the back of my voice keeps saying ‘If you don’t get this, you’re not going to find anything else. This is the only job that will fulfill your needs and desires. Don’t get this, and you’re stuck, kid.’
There’s the tension: hope and fear, truth and lies, success and failure.
So I’m in this holding pattern. Waiting. Interviewing. Hearing from references called. Everything looks really good, but there is still that chance it may not work out.
This is the tension I wade through. I’ve become super jumpy, waiting for my phone to ring with a number I don’t recognize…which has happened and it has not been the employer. Lots of near-cardiac arrests without much reason.
But this is the gift.
In these two weeks, I have got to put to practice what a friend calls giving up ‘material for sacrifice.’ I have been given a good desire–to do good work that encompasses my gifts. And I have no control of that desire being satisfied. I can get really drawn up in fret and desperation if I let myself. But it’s not supposed to be that. That’s not what tension is for.
Tension is the gift. It’s the offering.
When I trust in God, offering my desires up to him, that is when I experience the freedom and peace he offers. I am able to look towards either outcome of this process with courage. I am learning to trust my father and his good gifts.
This tension of being so close, but not close enough to know is my playground right now. It is a season that is hard, but full of rich discoveries.
Tension is the gift.
Dwell on that. I hope you find it true.

Being Single is Not the Same as Being Alone

So I just made it through wedding season. It wasn’t as intense as the last two–the amount of parties stayed in the single digits.

There is something about this time of year that always stir up longing in me. I think it’s the filling out of the RSVP cards. That blank plus-one line taunts me. So often, I delay sending in the RSVP because, who knows, perhaps I’ll run into some Gene Kelly look alike who will fall madly in love with me and want to accompany me to a wedding! I think he’ll want the beef, but I’ll just leave the selection blank and let him choose for himself. And we’ll dance and have a wonderful night and leave dreaming about the wedding we’ll someday have together…

And then some point a couple days before the RSVP card is due, I return to reality and remember that that is not happening, check chicken, leave the plus-one line blank and call it good.

I could let that be discouraging. Heck, sometimes it is. Alright, most of the time it is.

Most of my friends are married, more becoming so each summer. It’s exciting, but it always comes with longing for my own turn one day.

And then that nasty little thought I hate the most seeps in to ruin my day:

What if I die alone?

It’s a lie. I know it’s a lie. Even if I die unwed, I will not die alone.

So far, I have lived a life filled with love. Not only from my heavenly father, but from my wonderful parents and awesome sister. From so many beautiful, talented, and gracious friends. From mentors, pastors, teachers, co-workers. I’ve been so gosh-darn blessed and so often I ignore it.

No, I have not experienced very much in way of romantic love. Yes, that can be sad to me.

But there is still great love in my life.

Being single is not the same as being alone.

I do not live in solitude. I live in community with many many wonderful people. I mean, really, filling out that RSVP card without a date to put on it does not mean I am not loved. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have a friend who fell in love and I gained a new friend in her husband. So now two of my friends are getting married and they loved being in relationship with me enough to invite me to celebrate with them. And at that party, I will enjoy the company of our mutual friends. We’ll laugh and dance and talk about the future lives of our newly-married friends.

If the longing for your significant other has become heavy in this season of summer romance and weddings, do not be discouraged. Recognize that God has you where you need to be on your journey. The loneliness may seem suffocating now, but realize that you are not alone here. For one, I’m here. I can also guarantee you have many friends and loved ones, married or not, who care about you and want to encourage you where you are.

You’re loved, my friend!

Revel in that.

If you would like more reading on singleness, I highly recommend this post from Shauna Niequist. I was greatly encouraged. I ran across it a couple days before I actually sat down to read this post and was excited that the two were going to be live around the same time. I hope her words are refreshing and encouraging!

The Fashion Pieces That Will Never Make You Look Dated

I’ll be the first to admit it:


I love playing dress-up. Never gave it up. I’m not a great fashionista; I just like clothes.

Trying out new trends, trying to recreate classic looks, experimenting with what I already own; that’s really fun for me.

I’ve also subscribed to a couple fashion magazines. Harper’s Bazaar is currently the only one I get now, but I find it fun to flip through and see what’s new.

Let night I ran across an article advertised on their Facebook page that made me curious:

5 PIECES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK INSTANTLY DATED

I thought, ‘I’m twenty-two. How dated can my closet be?’ Woe to the arrogant because the first thing I saw made me just a little bit sad.
I have this favorite pair of round-toe nude pumps that I wear with practically everything. Weddings, presentations, a night out,… delivering the mail. They may be my favorite running shoes. Seriously, I wear these things everywhere.
So what is the first item on this list?
Yeah. Round-toe heels.
Joining my beloved pair of pumps where a few items that I don’t own, but I was still surprised by. Studded leather jackets, harem pants–which should be on this list–things that only a few months ago they were telling people to buy.
So a few weeks ago, this magazine was praising people for wearing pairing their harem pants and studded jackets. Now, they are “dated.”
How is a girl supposed to keep up? And should she?
I’ve talked about how I have struggled to try and find my significance in what I wear and how I look. It’s silly rules of fashion that keep me living in fear and discouragement. I am not on trend. But is my worth still intact.
Well, yeah! It would just be silly to consider myself unworthy just because a magazine that means nothing to me doesn’t like my shoes.
Here is what I say: Find what works for you. 
Wear what is flattering on your body and makes you feel confident. Love what you own and has served your style well. Be timeless–not necessarily trendy.
You have a beauty to offer, my friend. Don’t hide under harem pants (for the love of humanity, please!) but instead under what makes you feel best… even if that is a pair of harem pants, I guess. You were created to be the crown of creation, made in the image of a beautiful God. Your clothing does not change this. No magazine can degrade that… only if you let it.
So I’ll keep on wearing my round-toe pumps with pride. What piece in your closet gives you that confidence boost?

Living at the end of Psalm 13

I got an email from a dear friend in January. I had been voicing to her that though my internship had ended early that I was really okay and that God had a plan and that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed to. She had told me that she was glad I knew this, but also warned me to feel what I needed to feel–to handle the disappointment for what it was–disappointment.

It has taken me a couple months to get there.
A couple weeks ago, there was a particularly bad day at work. I work at a university making copies and running errands–basically gophering all over campus. My job can be rather mindless but is quite helpful with paying bills. A co-worker was recently promoted to another department and a lot of her responsibility has fallen to me. That paired with many other stressors and the ‘tude of a student (“Yes, you do have to pay for color copies. I’m sorry if the twenty cents this will cost will do you in.”) and everything that had been brewing in my heart came to a head. There were four distinct times I daydreamed of simply walking out the door.
It was, well, a Bad. Day.
I got into the car and began to drive home. And I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I began yelling at God, crying through it.
“Why am I here? What is the point of this season if nothing is happening? Why give me that internship just to take it away? What do you expect me to get from this? Why the hell aren’t you doing anything?”
I’ll be honest, that’s the clean version.
I was mad. I was heartbroken. I was disappointed.
And then, when I was all cried out, I felt Him.
You done?
 
I only nodded–if someone had seen me, they would have thought me a raving lunatic.
Alright. Now we begin again.
 
And that was it. I was ready to start new. Repent and restart.
I read Psalm 13 and realized I had been so intent on skipping to the end. That wasn’t was David did. He didn’t start out with ‘God is great; God is good; Now we thank him for our food.’ That’s not how the Psalms work… I mean sometimes…not about food, but you know what I mean.
He begins:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

David is not stuffing the emotion or putting on a happy face. He’s not avoiding confrontation with God because he knows God is right. Even though that is completely true, he still approaches the Father with his genuine feelings.

How long will this keep going on? How long until I can have a challenge at work again? How long will I have to keep waiting for an interview? Have you forgotten I’m down here?

He wrestles through his hurt and confusion.

How long will my enemy triumph over me?Look on me and answer, Lord my God.Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

I love his boldness. “Look on me and answer.”  There is tension there. There is a desire to be with God, a desire to know what He is doing. I love that we can come to God like this and he is gracious enough to allow it. He is gracious enough to put up with my screaming and cursing in my minivan like a crazy woman. And he is gracious enough to pick up my heart afterward.

David does not get an answer. He arrives to a good place, but he does not necessarily get a divine reply.

But I trust in your unfailing love;    my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.

“I trust your love,” “He has been good to me.” That’s what I came to at the end of my one-sided screaming match with God. I trust you; you’ve been good to me. This is hard, but you know best.

I don’t think I would really have gotten there if I had continued to live like I was at the end of the Psalm. You can’t fake-it-till-you-make-it with God. He knows what is in the heart and he wants to wade through that with you.

I am so thankful for his grace and his desire to be in relationship with me. So we move forward. Repent and restart.

Girl Story

Writing friend and mentor, Don Pearson released his book iParent: Gender Trends, Online Friends & the Soul of Your Child:a couple years ago. iParent addresses the role technology plays in the lives on adolescents in our culture and how parents can interact with their children to form meaningful relationships and relational patterns in a shallow culture. iParent really is a must-read for anyone raising children in today’s technology drenched, relationally deprived culture.

A few weeks ago on his blog he featured a post entitled ‘Boy Story‘ listing out the basic pattern of life facing boys today. He asked readers to step in and talk about how they would have influenced the man in a different direction.

He asked me to write the girl version and that went live today as ‘Girl Story‘. Check it out and share with your friends!

The Monday After Graduation

So I officially graduated this past weekend.

I’ve been done with school for a year–save a left over class this past fall–so it felt a little weird. Throughout the weekend I was asked by friends “Can you believe this is really happening?” and I wasn’t really sure how to respond. It didn’t feel like my graduation. It felt like I was there to support my friends and I had to wear are really weird hat as I did so.

Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to get some closure and walk with the people I started school with. As the provost announced “I present to you the class of spring 2014” I could only feel a little saddened because that wasn’t me. It was odd and detached, but still emotional and I really haven’t processed through that if you can tell from my rambling…

But as I was thinking yesterday afternoon, I realized that there are now hundreds of people in that class who now don’t know what’s next. They reached the point of the map I did last year and realized they have to chart the rest of the journey.

That all said, this is a open letter to those who woke up this morning realizing that they have no idea what to do with the rest of their lives.

Hi, friend.

This post is going live at noon. I’m not sure if you were up before then… probably not. Good for you.

Now you probably aren’t sure what to do now that you’re at your parents house. With no job. No money. No idea. I hope this doesn’t bring on too much panic. If so, go get a paper bag. Breathe into it.

Alright. You good? Good.

Know that even though you don’t know what’s next, God does. This season is going to require a LOT of trust. And trust is hard. It means you’re not in control anymore. It means that you recognize that your way is not the best way, but that the will of someone else is greater. It means you’ll probably walk down some hard roads, take some rough spills, have to look around and wonder where on earth you are in life.

There will be plenty of rejection letters and interviews that lead no where. Plenty of bills coming and not a lot of cash. Plenty of pressure felt but the question of ‘What are you doing now that you’re done with college?’ I hate that question. I think it’s safe for you to hate it to.

Know that it will take time to get your feet under you and get established. Know that it’s okay that you’re not using your degree as you act as a barista, a sales person, a factory worker, a whatever-you-need-to-be-to-pay-back-the-loans.

Also find a way to do what you love. Spend your nights doing that thing. Pay the bills and live with passion. Don’t waste this season because despite the confusion, the sense of being lost, there can be great beauty. Find community, talk with a mentor, be known. Learn who you are and spend time in the word.

Live big, feel small, and keep your hands open for what God may bring your way.

This is a hard place to be, but you can thrive here. I know it.

Praying for you, friend.

Congratulations on your accomplishment! Here’s to the hope of your next one.

–Lex