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Being Single is Not the Same as Being Alone

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Singleness

So I just made it through wedding season. It wasn’t as intense as the last two–the amount of parties stayed in the single digits.

There is something about this time of year that always stir up longing in me. I think it’s the filling out of the RSVP cards. That blank plus-one line taunts me. So often, I delay sending in the RSVP because, who knows, perhaps I’ll run into some Gene Kelly look alike who will fall madly in love with me and want to accompany me to a wedding! I think he’ll want the beef, but I’ll just leave the selection blank and let him choose for himself. And we’ll dance and have a wonderful night and leave dreaming about the wedding we’ll someday have together…

And then some point a couple days before the RSVP card is due, I return to reality and remember that that is not happening, check chicken, leave the plus-one line blank and call it good.

I could let that be discouraging. Heck, sometimes it is. Alright, most of the time it is.

Most of my friends are married, more becoming so each summer. It’s exciting, but it always comes with longing for my own turn one day.

And then that nasty little thought I hate the most seeps in to ruin my day:

What if I die alone?

It’s a lie. I know it’s a lie. Even if I die unwed, I will not die alone.

So far, I have lived a life filled with love. Not only from my heavenly father, but from my wonderful parents and awesome sister. From so many beautiful, talented, and gracious friends. From mentors, pastors, teachers, co-workers. I’ve been so gosh-darn blessed and so often I ignore it.

No, I have not experienced very much in way of romantic love. Yes, that can be sad to me.

But there is still great love in my life.

Being single is not the same as being alone.

I do not live in solitude. I live in community with many many wonderful people. I mean, really, filling out that RSVP card without a date to put on it does not mean I am not loved. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have a friend who fell in love and I gained a new friend in her husband. So now two of my friends are getting married and they loved being in relationship with me enough to invite me to celebrate with them. And at that party, I will enjoy the company of our mutual friends. We’ll laugh and dance and talk about the future lives of our newly-married friends.

If the longing for your significant other has become heavy in this season of summer romance and weddings, do not be discouraged. Recognize that God has you where you need to be on your journey. The loneliness may seem suffocating now, but realize that you are not alone here. For one, I’m here. I can also guarantee you have many friends and loved ones, married or not, who care about you and want to encourage you where you are.

You’re loved, my friend!

Revel in that.

If you would like more reading on singleness, I highly recommend this post from Shauna Niequist. I was greatly encouraged. I ran across it a couple days before I actually sat down to read this post and was excited that the two were going to be live around the same time. I hope her words are refreshing and encouraging!

Why ‘Preppy Bohemia’?

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Blogging, Content Marketing

Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of Postcards from Preppy Bohemia! Thank you so much for embarking on this journey with me. I have been humbled by the support, encouragement, discussions, and inspiration you all have provided. You are such a blessing and I am so grateful for every reader.

Exciting things have been happening around here. If you haven’t noticed, I now own my own domain so this blog is officially preppybohemia.com. I’m beginning to line up some guest bloggers for a more steady stream of diverse voices around here. There may or may not even be some new short fiction coming your way. I’m excited to take on these changes with you.

That all said, why on earth have I entitled my blog ‘Postcards from Preppy Bohemia’?

The name came mostly out of my musings on the stage of life on which I wanted to focus my blog. I’m wandering the no-man’s-land of post college. I don’t have roots nor do I really need them at this point in my life. I’m a bohemian not bound by location, responsibility, or rule of this world. I am governed by a higher one and He’s the one guiding this journey that seems pretty senseless at points. So there’s the ‘Bohemia’.

So ‘Preppy’? Well, I’m kind of a priss. I love girly things. I love order and beauty. I’m particular about my clothing, my personal spaces, and life in general.

So, yes, the name is kind of a paradox–the ordered girl in a disordered world. I love that tension and am really enjoying how it plays out in this stage. This blog documents the journey of a wandering priss. Each post is a letter to you, describing where I am coming from in hopes that you may find yourself here to, or perhaps you already have. These are snapshots of the prepster trying to maneuver Bohemia with poise, grace, and a little humor.

So what have I learned so far? I’ve learned that I am not in control. At all. No power whatsoever. That it is okay to desire something. That is is necessary to hold that desire out to the Father. That sometimes the posts you write at one in the morning on Monday become the ones with the most heart and the one’s God uses to do his work because it came from the core of the heart and not out of vanity or desire to go viral. That those who read faithfully have been more of an encouragement and taught me so much about this crazy blogging world than I ever anticipated and that I am so grateful for every single one of you.

This is what Preppy Bohemia is to me and I am so grateful to be going strong into a second year. Thank you thank you thank you!

May we continue to enjoy the journey together!

xo,
         –Lex

The Fashion Pieces That Will Never Make You Look Dated

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

I’ll be the first to admit it:


I love playing dress-up. Never gave it up. I’m not a great fashionista; I just like clothes.

Trying out new trends, trying to recreate classic looks, experimenting with what I already own; that’s really fun for me.

I’ve also subscribed to a couple fashion magazines. Harper’s Bazaar is currently the only one I get now, but I find it fun to flip through and see what’s new.

Let night I ran across an article advertised on their Facebook page that made me curious:

5 PIECES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK INSTANTLY DATED

I thought, ‘I’m twenty-two. How dated can my closet be?’ Woe to the arrogant because the first thing I saw made me just a little bit sad.
I have this favorite pair of round-toe nude pumps that I wear with practically everything. Weddings, presentations, a night out,… delivering the mail. They may be my favorite running shoes. Seriously, I wear these things everywhere.
So what is the first item on this list?
Yeah. Round-toe heels.
Joining my beloved pair of pumps where a few items that I don’t own, but I was still surprised by. Studded leather jackets, harem pants–which should be on this list–things that only a few months ago they were telling people to buy.
So a few weeks ago, this magazine was praising people for wearing pairing their harem pants and studded jackets. Now, they are “dated.”
How is a girl supposed to keep up? And should she?
I’ve talked about how I have struggled to try and find my significance in what I wear and how I look. It’s silly rules of fashion that keep me living in fear and discouragement. I am not on trend. But is my worth still intact.
Well, yeah! It would just be silly to consider myself unworthy just because a magazine that means nothing to me doesn’t like my shoes.
Here is what I say: Find what works for you. 
Wear what is flattering on your body and makes you feel confident. Love what you own and has served your style well. Be timeless–not necessarily trendy.
You have a beauty to offer, my friend. Don’t hide under harem pants (for the love of humanity, please!) but instead under what makes you feel best… even if that is a pair of harem pants, I guess. You were created to be the crown of creation, made in the image of a beautiful God. Your clothing does not change this. No magazine can degrade that… only if you let it.
So I’ll keep on wearing my round-toe pumps with pride. What piece in your closet gives you that confidence boost?

When the Going Gets Tough

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Writing Thoughts

For the past week, working on my novel has brought a sensation similar to extensive dental work. My 500 word goal, once easy to surpass, has become difficult to come close to.

I stayed up late the other night, just trying to force a few words down, but it was such a struggle. I was exhausted after a hundred words or so. And then something occurred to me that hasn’t yet in the course of writing this novel:

Why don’t I just give up?

What scared me most about the question was not that I asked it, but that it made sense.

Things have gotten hard. Life has gotten busy. My room has become a mess.

I’ve let so many things distract me, fill my time, and take my energy that I have not given myself any space to be creative.

It’s draining.

I have filled my time with good things, things that need to be done. But am I making time to do the work I was called to do?

Probably not.

For me, what does this mean? It means I need to be more intentional about how I spend my time. Working part-time from home, I will have to have set hours for work and set hours for writing, and I can’t take from one to give to the other. I will have to set aside moments for house work while still guarding those moments for creativity.

I also need to stop suppressing creative urges just because they are not convenient. For whatever reason, I have stopped carrying around my beloved notebook and I’m seeing how my creativity is suffering because of it. I am not providing a way to capture my ideas. That’s not fair to my work or my sanity.

So no, I am not giving up. I have made it this far and have too many cheerleaders willing to help me along. I can’t ignore either of those things. This novel will get written, but I need to make that a possibility.

Some re-prioritizing is in order.

What about you? When it gets hard to complete something that you’re passionate about, how do you push onward? I’d love to hear so please comment!

xo,
          –Lex

Living at the end of Psalm 13

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Spirituality

I got an email from a dear friend in January. I had been voicing to her that though my internship had ended early that I was really okay and that God had a plan and that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed to. She had told me that she was glad I knew this, but also warned me to feel what I needed to feel–to handle the disappointment for what it was–disappointment.

It has taken me a couple months to get there.
A couple weeks ago, there was a particularly bad day at work. I work at a university making copies and running errands–basically gophering all over campus. My job can be rather mindless but is quite helpful with paying bills. A co-worker was recently promoted to another department and a lot of her responsibility has fallen to me. That paired with many other stressors and the ‘tude of a student (“Yes, you do have to pay for color copies. I’m sorry if the twenty cents this will cost will do you in.”) and everything that had been brewing in my heart came to a head. There were four distinct times I daydreamed of simply walking out the door.
It was, well, a Bad. Day.
I got into the car and began to drive home. And I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I began yelling at God, crying through it.
“Why am I here? What is the point of this season if nothing is happening? Why give me that internship just to take it away? What do you expect me to get from this? Why the hell aren’t you doing anything?”
I’ll be honest, that’s the clean version.
I was mad. I was heartbroken. I was disappointed.
And then, when I was all cried out, I felt Him.
You done?
 
I only nodded–if someone had seen me, they would have thought me a raving lunatic.
Alright. Now we begin again.
 
And that was it. I was ready to start new. Repent and restart.
I read Psalm 13 and realized I had been so intent on skipping to the end. That wasn’t was David did. He didn’t start out with ‘God is great; God is good; Now we thank him for our food.’ That’s not how the Psalms work… I mean sometimes…not about food, but you know what I mean.
He begins:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

David is not stuffing the emotion or putting on a happy face. He’s not avoiding confrontation with God because he knows God is right. Even though that is completely true, he still approaches the Father with his genuine feelings.

How long will this keep going on? How long until I can have a challenge at work again? How long will I have to keep waiting for an interview? Have you forgotten I’m down here?

He wrestles through his hurt and confusion.

How long will my enemy triumph over me?Look on me and answer, Lord my God.Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

I love his boldness. “Look on me and answer.”  There is tension there. There is a desire to be with God, a desire to know what He is doing. I love that we can come to God like this and he is gracious enough to allow it. He is gracious enough to put up with my screaming and cursing in my minivan like a crazy woman. And he is gracious enough to pick up my heart afterward.

David does not get an answer. He arrives to a good place, but he does not necessarily get a divine reply.

But I trust in your unfailing love;    my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.

“I trust your love,” “He has been good to me.” That’s what I came to at the end of my one-sided screaming match with God. I trust you; you’ve been good to me. This is hard, but you know best.

I don’t think I would really have gotten there if I had continued to live like I was at the end of the Psalm. You can’t fake-it-till-you-make-it with God. He knows what is in the heart and he wants to wade through that with you.

I am so thankful for his grace and his desire to be in relationship with me. So we move forward. Repent and restart.

I No Longer Believe in Writer’s Block: Part II

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Writing Thoughts

So last week I discussed why writer’s block is no longer an excuse for me. So now a question has emerged that I’d like to address.

So what happens when you’re stuck?

Well, I’d like to say I don’t get stuck, but that would be a bold-faced fiction. I get stuck a lot. And usually it’s not something time will just solve like I’d like to think.

When I’ve written myself into a corner, there are usually two things causing the issue.

The first issue I have to solve when stuck is usually connected to plotting. Usually I’ve taken an easy fix to a problem or have not been true to the story. Either way, I haven’t done my job. I usually have to go back and rework a scene that was written to quickly or change a plot-line that I didn’t want to think about when I wrote it initially.

The second and more common issue is characterization. If I’m trying to make one of my characters do something the weren’t meant to do or not meant to do in that way, things seem unnatural and stilted, and harder to write. I get stuck because I’m missing something. Either a character isn’t fully fleshed out, or not being true to themselves. Sometimes I don’t have a relationship between characters fully nailed down. This takes some thought and sometimes some experimentation. Sometimes it’s even helpful to interview a character. (And no, I don’t think my characters are real people, but sometimes it’s just easier to operate under the assumption that they are when I’m working.)

Writing isn’t cheap. Making any art isn’t cheap. It takes work and sweat. It takes a bit of yourself to make anything. Usually the end benefits outweigh this cost, but while in the trenches it’s hard to see this. This is where I get tempted to give up.

Don’t give yourself that option. Know that making your art is going to cost you now, but it will be worth it to see your work completed.

Favorites for the Month of May

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Music, Summer

Hey y’all!
It’s been a little while since I’ve had a favorites posting and I thought I’d use this month to explore summer sounds. I put together a summer-y soundtrack to celebrate my first weekend at the beach…though it looks like it’s going to rain the whole time. Oh well, nothing a few good tunes can’t turn around!


1. Summertime–Head and the Heart
I went to see the Head and the Heart last month. The show was okay, but their music is wonderful. This peppy song really makes me excited for summer. The synth intro is quirky and upbeat and Charity’s unique vocals make this one of my favorites right now.

2.Raging Fire–Phillip Phillips
Heard this one on the radio and have fallen so in love with it. The chorus makes me want to embark on some awesome adventure with the love of my life or something as equally wistful. But seriously, I think these lyrics tell a beautiful love story. This one is definitely on the respectable end of the current top 40.

3.Fall Asleep–Jars of Clay
So I grew up listening to Jars of Clay–who doesn’t love Love Song for a Savior? This number is a beautifully sad song about young love that can’t last but you don’t want to end. (I promise, this is the only sad song on the playlist!) Below (and in the link) is a video of the band discussing the making of the song.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/V_JElyTOJTE&source=uds

4.Gold Mine–Breanne Duren
This song has been on my iPod for a while, but I’ve never really given it much thought, just a lot of play-time. It was a discovery download a couple years ago and I’ve just fallen in love with the retro flare and the unique tone of her voice. I hope you enjoy this tune too!

5.I Got You–Jack Johnson
Because it’s not summer without Jack Johnson. I have been a fan for ages. His music is relaxing, sometimes silly, sometimes challenging. All around good stuff and perfect for the beach. Here’s a sweet love song I have really come to enjoy.

You kind find all of these on a playlist on my YouTube Channel (which doesn’t have anything but this playlist, actually) I hope these songs help get your summer started off right!

Girl Story

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Writing friend and mentor, Don Pearson released his book iParent: Gender Trends, Online Friends & the Soul of Your Child:a couple years ago. iParent addresses the role technology plays in the lives on adolescents in our culture and how parents can interact with their children to form meaningful relationships and relational patterns in a shallow culture. iParent really is a must-read for anyone raising children in today’s technology drenched, relationally deprived culture.

A few weeks ago on his blog he featured a post entitled ‘Boy Story‘ listing out the basic pattern of life facing boys today. He asked readers to step in and talk about how they would have influenced the man in a different direction.

He asked me to write the girl version and that went live today as ‘Girl Story‘. Check it out and share with your friends!

I No Longer Believe in Writer’s Block: Part I

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Writing Thoughts

If you were to ask me a month ago what my biggest challenge with my novel was, I would have told you writer’s block.

Fast forward to now, I’d tell you that it’s me.

I’m lazy. And writing is hard!

For the past three months, I have balked from writing some hard chapters. It was easier to write a pithy blog post that didn’t mean much to me than to do the hard work of cultivating my fiction. That’s not writer’s block. That’s being a wuss.

So do I think you can get blocked while writing? Of course! but I think it’s more a creativity block that needs to be worked. In my experience, a novel is like a rubik’s cube. It needs to be worked at and arranged. It may not fit all together the first time through–that’s what revising is for. But there comes those moments where you get stuck and you need to strategize.

In fiction, you’re not only juggling words, but a plot–with multiple scenes and plot lines–and characters–lot’s of them with relationships and points-of-view and faults and conflicts–and symbolism and research. There’s a lot going on!

It’s easy to reach a creativity bump and just give up for a little bit. I am pushing myself to no longer put down the rubik’s cube, but to work with it, to think through the knots in a plot line or the issues with a character. It’s hard, but so worth the trouble.

xo,
            –Lex

The Monday After Graduation

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Trust

So I officially graduated this past weekend.

I’ve been done with school for a year–save a left over class this past fall–so it felt a little weird. Throughout the weekend I was asked by friends “Can you believe this is really happening?” and I wasn’t really sure how to respond. It didn’t feel like my graduation. It felt like I was there to support my friends and I had to wear are really weird hat as I did so.

Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to get some closure and walk with the people I started school with. As the provost announced “I present to you the class of spring 2014” I could only feel a little saddened because that wasn’t me. It was odd and detached, but still emotional and I really haven’t processed through that if you can tell from my rambling…

But as I was thinking yesterday afternoon, I realized that there are now hundreds of people in that class who now don’t know what’s next. They reached the point of the map I did last year and realized they have to chart the rest of the journey.

That all said, this is a open letter to those who woke up this morning realizing that they have no idea what to do with the rest of their lives.

Hi, friend.

This post is going live at noon. I’m not sure if you were up before then… probably not. Good for you.

Now you probably aren’t sure what to do now that you’re at your parents house. With no job. No money. No idea. I hope this doesn’t bring on too much panic. If so, go get a paper bag. Breathe into it.

Alright. You good? Good.

Know that even though you don’t know what’s next, God does. This season is going to require a LOT of trust. And trust is hard. It means you’re not in control anymore. It means that you recognize that your way is not the best way, but that the will of someone else is greater. It means you’ll probably walk down some hard roads, take some rough spills, have to look around and wonder where on earth you are in life.

There will be plenty of rejection letters and interviews that lead no where. Plenty of bills coming and not a lot of cash. Plenty of pressure felt but the question of ‘What are you doing now that you’re done with college?’ I hate that question. I think it’s safe for you to hate it to.

Know that it will take time to get your feet under you and get established. Know that it’s okay that you’re not using your degree as you act as a barista, a sales person, a factory worker, a whatever-you-need-to-be-to-pay-back-the-loans.

Also find a way to do what you love. Spend your nights doing that thing. Pay the bills and live with passion. Don’t waste this season because despite the confusion, the sense of being lost, there can be great beauty. Find community, talk with a mentor, be known. Learn who you are and spend time in the word.

Live big, feel small, and keep your hands open for what God may bring your way.

This is a hard place to be, but you can thrive here. I know it.

Praying for you, friend.

Congratulations on your accomplishment! Here’s to the hope of your next one.

–Lex