Alexis De Weese

Emerge

Posted on June 27, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Writing Thoughts

So there’s been some radio silence on the blog. It has been for good reason. I’ve been involved in multiple weddings this summer and am still trying to meet a November deadline for the first draft of my novel.

It’s been a busy season and I am realizing the value of self-care, not only physically and emotionally, but creatively too.

The sermon at my church a couple weeks ago was extremely encouraging. I’ve heard Don Perini give this talk a couple times and I wanted to pass it along that you may be encouraged as well.

Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBLN2hUORgw&feature=youtu.be&t=11m55s

The Bible College Spinster: Greener Grasses

Posted on June 6, 2016September 4, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness, Spirituality

I write this post in the bliss of everyone else’s wedded bliss. I spent this past weekend at helping at the wedding of my sweet college roommate and will get to watch one of my dearest friends walk down the aisle next weekend. I have to say it: I am in love with love.

There is something so wonderful in watching someone you care so deeply about find their person. That person who treats them with kindness and respect. To watch their love story’s prologue end and the plot actually begin is such an honor.

I say this with no sarcasm.

See, somewhere along the line, culture decided that single women are angry and bitter and can’t stomach seeing someone enjoy being in love. But why?

I’m just angry and bitter about the fact that people assume I’m angry and bitter. Here’s the truth about being jealous:

It’s a waste of time.

As a fairy tale fanatic, I may have been fascinated with happily ever after for a little too long. But “I do” is not some magic shot to happiness and singleness is not a life-sentence to drudgery.

The grass is not greener in either camp—it’s just different. Married or single, you still have the same insecurities, same brokenness, same pet peeves, and hurt, and longings, and on and on it goes. Because you’re still you.

If you didn’t know how to handle your temper with anyone before, you certainly won’t with a spouse. If you struggled with your self worth on your own, it’s only going to be magnified in a committed relationship. If you didn’t know how to process tragedy in your single days, it will be no easier to weather the storm bound to someone.

The escape from struggle is not marriage—and there is a temptation to look for it there. We’ve read the novels and watched the movies and listened to the songs that tells us that all we need is to find that person that is going to make us feel strong and secure and without fault. And that that person is a human that just happens to be ridiculously good looking and wealthy to boot.

Here’s the real truth of it: a spouse was never intended to redeem you. That’s not fair pressure to put on any of your relationships and it’s not fair for that to be placed on you.

If that’s what you’re looking for in your relationship, then you are going to be sorely disappointed, my friend.

I am NOT saying that God needs to be your spouse first. (If you’re chasing after Jesus-is-my-boyfriend theology, then there is an even bigger discussion we need to be having.)

I am saying that before I can be jealous that someone gets to enter into marriage while I’m in a stage of singleness, I need to really swallow that neither camp is superior or inferior to the other. I also need to take account of what I’m looking to get out of a relationship.

Yes, I crave that intimacy and companionship. I also crave wholeness and redemption. Marriage can’t promise these things and I need to remember who can.

Married or not, you are loved by the giver of all good things. In this knowledge, anger and bitterness don’t stand a chance.

The Bible College Spinster: Living Deliberately

Posted on May 23, 2016September 4, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

The word “intentionally” gets thrown around a lot in the church today. “We’re loving intentionally,” “I’m pursuing this relationship intentionally,” “I’m intentionally praying that…”

We use it so much, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning. It just means there is purpose to something, right? So why are we using the word without purpose?

We all have purpose for doing things, especially things we have been convicted to do.

In this quest to pursue biblical personhood over biblical woman or wifehood, I’ve mentioned trying to wring this season dry. Part of that pursuit has been doing.

Just doing. Anything and everything, saying no to nothing.

This has lead to weekends in Chicago and Austin, three conferences in a month, an opportunity to produce a video, an agreement to be a plenary speaker at my favorite conference, a fantastic concert, 3 bridal showers, 2 bachelorettes, numerous nights out with friends from all over the state, and some wonderful conversations.

But fast-forward to now and you have one tired girl here.

I’m not saying the past two months have not been wonderful. I would not trade them for anything.

I will say that they have not been filled with the most intention.

It looks like a woman sleeping until noon after weeks and weeks of going, going, going. It looks like a writer who hasn’t written anything but blog posts in a month. It looks like a woman who hasn’t made space for silence and beginning to feel the effects of not spending time with the Father. It looks like an introvert with nothing left to give except the motions.

In my pursuit of intentionally living into my singleness, I somehow lost the meaning of that word. Somehow, the word mutated to mean, “do everything because you’re single.” The purpose was lost and the fatigue set in.

Realizing this, I have been using a new word: deliberately.

I am deliberately trying to suss out a place and a purpose in this season. In a time where the next big “next” is allusive and vague, I want to embrace where I am, but not as a frantic pursuit of anything that might be out there.

Right now, deliberate looks like making time and physical space for quiet. It looks like moments scheduled to write. It looks like reaching out to voices of wisdom in my life regularly for accountability and insight.

It looks like slowing down and taking stock of what is important and what is here in the now.

Books for Those Wondering ‘Now What?’

Posted on May 16, 2016May 15, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Books, Reading

A sweet friend who recently graduated asked me to write a post about what being in that position was like.

I blogged a lot during that season of life. (Some of which you can read here, here, and here.) The truth of the matter is, it still feels like I’m in the middle of that season. It’s only been three years since I’ve been out of school.

I’m still waiting for someone to figure out I’m a fraud, but if I’ve learned anything, it’s that we’re all waiting for that. This has been three years of riding on God’s grace and taking each opportunity in stride.

I’m definitely no expert, but some dear voices have spoke into my life. I’ve had some wonderful guides in this no-mans-land and I’m so grateful.

Some of these voices have been writers who’s words have come at just the right time with a message I deeply needed.

So, for anyone out there who’s trying to figure out what on earth is next, here are some of the books that guided me along my way so far.

Life Together—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Leaving behind my college community meant investing differently in relationships. Friends were no longer just down the hall or across campus, They were across town or out of state. It was going to take more of an effort.

Being in close community is something I have to be more intentional about, but it is something I need. Bonhoeffer unpacks a beautiful vision of what community in the church is supposed to be. The first chapter alone is a game changer and is full-to-the-brim with encouragement and challenges for those establishing a community.

Anne of Green Gables—L.M. Montgomery

One of the beautiful things about finishing school was being able to read what I wanted. I began reading childhood favorites. It’s been so fun.
Anne of Green Gables was a beautiful reminder of what it means to live in wonder. Anne’s curiosity and imagination are aspects I want to emulate in my adulthood as a creative. (Plus this Rifle Paper Co. edition is BEAUTIFUL!)

Five Aspects of a Woman—Barbara Mouser

The new Bible College Spinster series is coming for a search for what it means to be a well-rounded and thriving single person. Part of what has been important to me in the search is being a woman.
Hands-down, the most influential book in my time out of school has been the bible study, 5 Aspects of a Woman. Mouser’s in depth look at what God intended in creating woman has been a huge encouragement. I recommend this not only for women, but for men as well. I learned so much about my brothers in Christ while pondering the implications of this great book.

All Groan Up-Paul Angone

This season of life requires a sense of humor. It also requires some brutal honesty.
Angone provides both in this great book on what on earth this season of clueless and tension is all about. “Groan” is such a good word to use for what those post-grad months (and years) feel like. He unpacks what he took from his own journey and shares them in such a graceful and loving manner. In a time I was shrugging my shoulders about my life, a friend passed along an excerpt of the book and I went right out and purchased my own copy.
If I was wealthier, I would buy this book for all my college grad friends.

East of Eden-John Steinbeck

I was looking for a book to wreck me and this book fit the bill.
This post-grad time is the perfect time in life to grapple with Timnshel. (Which is not just a Mumford & Sons song, people!)
This book is deep and difficult, but when you’re suddenly without homework, you have time for deep and difficult. Or at least you should make time for it.

Surprised by Oxford-Carolyn Weber

I’ve been wondering if it’s time to look at grad school and, honestly, I’m still on the fence. But for anyone wondering if that’s next on the docket, Weber’s memoir is so good. And even if you’re not wondering that, it’s still so good.
She describes her testimony—which takes place during the first year of her master’s program…at Oxford. Part spiritual memoir, part bookworm feast, part romantic-comedy—it’s just a fun book.

Bittersweet-Shauna Niequist

Probably the hardest thing to learn in this season is that things do not go your way. More times than not, things just won’t come together the way you planned and sometimes that is painful. Being turned down for jobs, or even not getting an interview. Waiting for a significant other. Looking for healthy community. There will be times we don’t get what we’re looking for.
Shauna’s look at beauty and brokenness side-by-side was like medicine to my heart. I read it after exiting a pretty toxic community. Her vulnerability spoke right to my ache and I’m so grateful for the healing that came from this book.

Bible College Spinster: The Longing Thwarted

Posted on May 9, 2016May 12, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Singleness

I have been slightly suspicious that some people get engaged just to piss other people off.

Like that really socially awkward chick that creeped the crap our of you your freshman year? Yeah, Facebook just informed you that she’s engaged to that longhaired, greasy-faced goon that engaged in light-saber battles on the weekends when he wasn’t too busy staring for too long at the chests of other women.

And there is no way in hell you would trade places with her…frankly because you had a class with her fiance once and he always smelled vaguely of Cheetos and the air always felt a little moist around him and that was troubling…

But that gut-rot is still present. There is something in the moment of reading that post while taking a Netflix binge break in your sweatpants in your parents basement after berating yourself for polishing off the iced animal crackers only a couple hours after opening them that makes you feel jealous.

There is something in our deepest longing that rouses a passion in us. First the passion of fulfilling the longing at all costs, often followed by the passion of the longing thwarted.

If you ever want to feel like a longing has been thwarted, go to a wedding of a not close friend and bring a crappy attitude as your plus one.

Jealousy is not something we ever want to admit to, but it is that always lurking presence as a friend talks about a great first date, as you stand awkwardly waiting for the bride to throw the bouquet, as you buy diapers for your sister’s baby shower.

I think we’re too afraid to admit we’re jealous. It’s an unattractive and sinful thing—we’re all on the same page—but it’s still a reality. Jealousy is still something we need to own. To stuff it down is to let it fester and to let it fester is to let yourself become bitter.

We are to mourn for those who mourn and we rejoice with those who rejoice , it’s true. But what about when someone’s rejoicing brings our own mourning to light.

It can be painful to watch your girlfriends go down the aisle when you don’t even have a date at your side. Friend, I totally get this.

I also get (and had to get it the hard way) that ignoring the fact that it is painful can be harmful to you and your friendships. Please, as you start attending weddings and showers this spring, be honest with God and with yourself. Acknowledge the pain you may feel, but also don’t forget that this is a time to celebrate your friend.

Because here is another truth: The fact that your friend is getting married doesn’t mean you won’t. The fact that someone else feels joy in a season where you are experiencing mourning doesn’t mean you can’t rejoice with where they are at.

Acknowledge what you feel, yes please do! But also learn to maneuver the tension of joy and pain as they exist side-by-side.

I think Joy Eggerichs speaks into this really well. I’ve had a huge woman-crush on Joy for a while and have really appreciated the ministry Love and Respect Now.This ask Joy video addresses this topic really well. Watch to the end for some great sing-a-long fun.

You Can’t Do It All

Posted on May 2, 2016May 1, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Content Marketing

When intentionally building your platform, it might be tempting to begin putting content our on every social media site you can think of.

At first it’s exciting and new. You’re all full of the hope of how this will help your writing and launch or re-launch your career…and then you get tired.

It’s exhausting to try and keep up with a blog, a site, a Facebook fan page, your personal Facebook page, a Twitter account, an Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, LinkedIn, YikYak, Google+, MySpace, Vine, Xenga…You cannot possibly do everything. (In other news, while writing this, I found that Xenga still exists…how is this possible? Is this like the pyramids?)

Here is my number one advice to anyone starting or revitalizing their platform: Start simple.

You have a life. Keep that life. Don’t let your platform take over time that could be spent making your art. If you spend every free moment pouring into as many channels as possible, you will be exhausted, you won’t be getting the work your really want to do done, and your platform isn’t going to be very strong.

That’s right—more is not more when it comes to your platform.

Choose two channels and build them up well. Personally, I have invested my energy into my blog and a Facebook page.

Once you feel you have a good handle on the two platforms of your choice, consider if you’d like to add to that. If you do, then go for it! It’s easier to start small and grow, then to start the race at full force and burn out before you can really even start. Since coming back from hiatus, I’ve added a website and a more consistent Instagram to my platform.

Most of us are writing part-time and doing whatever else to pay the bills. Time and energy are precious and you don’t want all of that effort to go into your platform. (Although platform is part of the process.)

As a side note, I want to thank you all for all your support for the first Bible College Spinster post last week! I had a lot of fun reading it and was so touched by the comments, emails, article shares, and conversations this little post spurred.

The series will be a every-other week deal with new content next week.

Thanks again for your support!

Friday Favorites: April 2016

Posted on April 29, 2016April 24, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Friday Favorites, Lex's World

April Favorites

Something to try: Austin, TX

Earlier this month, a co-worker and I got to go to Austin for a conference. The conference was great, but we also loved getting to explore the city at night. So many quirky shops and great food trucks (food trucks!!!!), I was pretty much in heaven.
I’m looking forward to a girls weekend trip there soon.

Austin at dusk. I snapped this photo while racing across Congress Bridge to avoid watching the bat colony below fly out. I failed. Bats are gross. The capital in the distance is cool though!

Something to click: MOCKINGBIRD

This online magazine has been great source for thoughtful and intelligent discussion. I’ve been really impressed by the diverse voices and great writers that make up the content here. These folks tackle philosophy, current events, literature, Netflix…ya know, the important things.
Check out some of my favorites over the past few weeks here, here, here, and here.

Something to read: SURPRISED BY OXFORD

In my quarter-life crisising, I’ve been playing with the idea of starting a masters. Most of that was inspired by this wonderful memoir. Carolyn Weber recounts her first year of grad school at Oxford University—where she just so happened to encounter Christ. Equal parts thoughtful, funny, and just downright smart, I could not put this book down. And am still trying to figure out if I could get into Oxford…on someone else’s dime. (Or quid, as it were.)

Something to watch:Upstairs Neighbors

If you’re living in a small apartment with loud neighbors, this is what is happening. Glad YouTube could solve the mystery for you.

Something to listen to: LORD HURON

This was one of the best concerts I’ve been to. Saw them in October and am still geeking over it.
I’ve been hearing their music everywhere as of late and they are on the roster for all the major festivals this year, and yet so many people I know have not heard of them.
The band’s front man is telling a multi-medium story through not only the music, but music videos and even a comic book. Such brilliant artistry and just plain great music.

Bible College Spinster

Posted on April 25, 2016April 28, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Creative Nonfiction, Lex's World, Singleness, Writing Samples

A couple weeks ago, I talked about how I’d like to start posting monthly writing samples. Blogging has always been practice of the craft for me and this week I’m stretching out a little. This is the start of what may be a blog series or may be a larger project. I’m not sure where this is headed, but I’m sharing it anyway. Enjoy!

I knew pretty early on that I did not want to get married right out of college.

During jr. high youth group one night, they split the guys off from the girls and panel of women talked with us about purity. As part of the introduction, they each shared how they had met their husbands.

“We met in our biology class in college.”

“He lived on the floor below me in our dorm.”

“We were introduced the first day of our freshman year.”

I distinctly remember thinking, that is a boring love story. I want to meet someone in a cool way. After school. After backpacking through Europe.”

Backpacking through Europe was the epitome of adulthood in my thirteen year old mind. I had just read Maureen Johnson’s 13 Little Blue Envelopes and knew that was the goal after college. NOT getting married. I wanted to live a little first.

And that was that. Until I encountered the horror of a freshman girl’s dormitory.

I never had questioned my dating status, let along my marital status until my first night at college when the question was thrown out:

“Do any of you think you’ve met your husband here yet?”

I am not. Kidding. This was the first night.

And from there it just felt like so many women were in a scramble to find that perfect fit somewhere on campus. For the most part, it wasn’t a race. I have plenty of friends who found their person in a normal amount of care and time and their wedding celebrations were such a pleasure to be a part of.

But there were some couples that were slightly more concerning. Some of them resulted in rushed marriages and even more rushed divorces.

Looking around in the aftermath of those years, it’s been interesting to observe longings that have surfaced in my life as well as in the lives of my friends through the first years of marriage into the early parenting stage from some of them.

I never thought I would get to 24 and be one of my only friends left rowing in the single boat. And I’d be lying if there weren’t moments I look around and wonder if I missed something—took a wrong turn or acted on introvert impulse when I shouldn’t have.

But I’ve been here long enough to know that the grass just isn’t going to be as green as it is on Fixer Upper. I’m thankful for that.

Honestly, I’m still trying to get back to Europe, let alone get down the aisle.

So much “spiritual” reading I did outside of the Bible was concerned with being a good girlfriend, or wife, or even mother. But I’m not using that info. Not really. I’ve found in this season a yearning to just learn how to be a person.

As part of this writing experiment, I’m trying to find out how to wring this season dry. I made it through bible college without the husband and baby I was promised with my diploma and I want to live into that well.

I’ve felt for a while that the church in general is not sure what to do with a woman in her mid-twenties who is unwed without prospects…Maybe not the church in general. Maybe it’s the church in West Michigan.

And as much as I want to be comfortable in that, I feel like I’m kind of alone here.

So I write this for you. To let you know you’re not alone…. or maybe just to confirm if I am. So in these posts, I’ll be unpacking some observations and throw out some thoughts.

I don’t want to spend this season waiting for what is next. What is here is next. And I’m owning it—The life of a Bible College Spinster.

Glory be

Posted on April 18, 2016April 17, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.

For the last few weeks I have been quarter-life crisising. There is a restlessness in this season that I’m trying to push away, but it continues to linger.
There is a feeling that I should be farther, should be traveling more, should be getting more education, should be living somewhere else, should be able to get up early enough to make a real breakfast rather than eating yogurt while sitting at stoplights on the way to work. But that’s not where I’m at. I’m eating yogurt at the stoplight since I woke up late due to watching House of Cards until two in the morning. Because I’m an adult.
Everything has felt a little mundane. I’ve felt a little too settled in the unsettledness of my life and I’ve been sure how to reconcile that. I know I’m not alone in this.
There has been a lack of glory in our worlds.

Isaiah 6 describes the seraphim singing the words above. Holy is the Lord Almighty— the earth is full of his glory. This is the fallen earth their singing about. The restless, unsettled, yogurt-at-a-red-light world.
And they are singing of His glory on it.
I was at a conference this past week, where a speaker was unpacking this. God, in his mercy, allows us to experience his glory on earth, but in our fallen nature, it is so easy for us to miss it.
If you’re like me, you spend so much time rushing and grasping throughout a day, that glory is the last thing on your mind. I use so much energy just trying to make life work, that taking the time to be silent is not even a regular happening. I’m worn and lost and empty.
And yet, we are invited to see God’s glory even on the earth.
Not only in the beauty of creation, but in a coworker’s ability to design something lovely using the words you’ve written. In a friend’s gift of hospitality taking away some of your concern with a cup of tea and a listening ear. In a songwriter’s work giving word to the ache you thought you were alone in feeling.
We are invited in to glory all the time, but we are too busy to look beyond face value. We would rather focus on what’s broken than be grateful for the small mercies and little beauties put before us on a daily basis.

I’ll unpack this a little more in the weeks to come, but for now, let me know in the comments what taste of glory you’ve tasted today.

Platform is part of the process

Posted on April 4, 2016April 4, 2016 by Lex De Weese in Content Marketing

I love working with writers. Whether it’s during the process of plotting or even post publication, I love seeing how different authors minds work. I love the behind the scenes glimpses I get of those around me.

In the midst of the behind the scenes moments, a lot of talk about a writer’s platform comes up. (Probably because I am both a writer and a marketer…I doubt many writers feel the need to bring up their platform in random small talk scenarios…)

Most of the published writers I know are not too thrilled that they also have to do their own marketing. Confessing what I do for a living to a published writer usually starts a litany of complaints or confused questions.

And I get it, trust me I do. It can be really overwhelming to think about having to keep up a website and a blog and a Facebook page and an Instagram and a Snapchat and and and. It can be a lot.

Except that for a writer, platform building isn’t marketing. It’s storytelling. It is, in fact, part of the writing process.

Think about it this way: What good is telling a story that no one is listening to? What good is telling it if no one even knows you’re telling it?

Building your platform is telling the story of your story. And you get to tell it to those who care about you. You are not just shouting out unto the void, you’re telling your friends and family about it. And then they will tell their friends and family and your circle of influence begins to grow. You are telling a story that catches on.

Publishers only have so much influence when it comes to marketing a book. A book may be critically acclaimed, but that doesn’t mean it is read by the general public. Your personal connections—your friends, family, and co-workers—make a huge difference.

The leg work an author is expected to do in building their platform and marketing their book does not have to be extensive. Choose two or three things you can do well and begin to unpack your story—both the one you’re writing and the one you’re living. Those are the stories your circle of influence wants to hear.