Author: Lex De Weese

No-Such-Thing-As-A-Free-Lunch, My Tuckus!

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Writing Thoughts

It’s Labor Day, so I’m gonna keep this short!

If you are a writer then I can say, almost without blinking, that you HAVE to attend a writers conference. Yes, you have to go out of your comfort zone, yes, they are worth it, and yes they cost money. Or do they?

If you are in the West Michigan area, then I am talkin’ to you. A wonderful local writing group–The Weaklings–puts on a splendid, single night conference that is so helpful and free. 

That’s right, free!

The first one was held in February and was such a wonderful time to hang out an extra night wiht my writers group as well as to network with other writers… not that networking is really my favorite thing, but I met some great people regardless.

This time around, it is being held on Friday, September 13th at Baker Book House in Grand Rapids.

You can check out the info here. I’d really encourage you to come. I got so much out of the last conference, as did my writer’s group. Drag a friend and enjoy a free Friday night. It’s well worth the money you are not paying 😉

Hope to see you there!

xo,
       –Lex

Resumes: I’m an English major, not a genius!

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

I have found as I begin to send out my resume that I am highly intimidated by business-y things. Turns out, in humanities classes, they don’t talk very much about getting a job, gaining experience, or putting together and impressive resume.

Not to mention, I find pencil skirts are restrictive, interviews are stuffy, and resumes are… well, I’m not quite sure I’ve got a knack for getting a job. Keeping a job, I know I can do. It’s that odd, “please take me on because I want to be paid so I’m going to pretend I am the best person in the world so you’ll think I am awesome despite the fact that I have no experience whatsoever” business that scares me. It’s unnatural.

Putting together my revised resume, I wasn’t even sure what to put on it. Everyone says it’s supposed to include so much information, but only be a page, and it has to be professional.

Well this made me think that that meant boring. Not true! I am an artsy and creative person, why should my resume not show that? 

The purpose of a resume is to get the attention of potential employers. It’s supposed to be you on a single page. What they see is what they believe they’d be getting so why not show them something awesome?

I’m not a super-avid pinner (which you’ve probably noticed if you follow me on Pinterest.) but I was able to find some awesome examples of resumes that made me excited to design my own. (I’ll warn you now, many of the examples are resumes of graphic designers–which I’m fairly sure is cheating! I am not a graphic designer, but I was still able to glean some ideas that have served me well in the past couple months.)

Between some creative arrangement and theme work and some nice paper, you can certainly get a potential employer to give your resume a second glance. I’m a big fan of nice paper. Office supply stores have some lovely finishes and cuts if you are willing to spend a little extra money (It’s no joke, it takes money to make money!)


It may be a little intimidating, but don’t be afraid to try something a little off the beaten path. It may pay off in the end.

I’ll update you on my job/internship search soon!

xo,
         –Lex

Enjoying the Local Fare

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Food, Grand Rapids, Recommendations

I hate Wal-Mart.

It is a terrible soulless place that is eating our local economies alive!… That may be somewhat of an overstatement, but not by much… but that is just my opinion. (But we’ve been over this: my blog, my opinion!)

And Wal-Mart is not really the source of our economic woes. It’s big business in general that has made it so difficult for local shops, farms, and restaurants to be successful at such a difficult time in our economic history.

I think it is so important to support local businesses and restaurants  Going to farmer’s markets for produce, rather than big name grocers. Getting coffee from the local cafe` rather than Starbucks.

Supporting local takes more work and sometimes more money. But it is vital for communities to survive while maintaining their identity. Part of the reason one must go out of her way to buy local is because of big businesses. Large corporations drive up the prices of mom-and-pop places and make it difficult for them to stay in business. Chains are easy. They are everywhere and are usually more affordable.

I have had the privilege of being involved with Local First, an organization in Grand Rapids that focuses on helping local businesses in the West Michigan area. They have begun a 10×10 pledge campaign that I would love you guys to look into!

What they are asking is that you take $10 of your food budget that you would otherwise spend at a chain or big-name grocer and instead spend that money at a local grocer, farmer’s market, or restaurant. We are hoping people will pledge to do this for the next ten weeks. You can sign up to join here! When you sign up, they site asks for your email address. No worries! Local First will not spam your inbox. You will receive a once-a-week email giving you tips on how to shop local, recipes to be made with local ingredients  as well as awesome local places to try out. We’re hoping for 2,000 participants.

It’s so easy and it requires nothing but $10 of what you have already budgeted for food. Even if you aren’t in the Grand Rapids area, I would love to challenge you to try this. You can try out a local restaurant you’ve never been to, get to know your community a little better at a farmer’s market, or try out a different local coffee place.

If you’re in West Michigan and want to try something local and awesome, here are my recommendations:

  • Red Ball Jet Cafe`
  • Clique Coffee Bar
  • Cherie Inn
  • Rockford Brewing Company
  • Herman’s Boy Coffee Ranch

Sign up and tell me how your pledge goes!

Dear Freshman: The Three Things I Learned My First Semester of College

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World

Many college classes are starting up again. I know many freshmen who are preparing to leave home for their first semester and I wanted to share some thoughts on the journey ahead of you. 


Now, I won’t lie, my first semester of college was one of the most challenging times of my life. But here’s the good news: Your first semester is always the hardest.

Here you are, living in a completely new place. You just packed up your belongings and moved into a room the size of your closet… with at least one other person. A stranger. Most of your friends are scattered all over the state, if not the whole country, and you know no one. Well, maybe a few people, but not everyone you have relied on for the last four years of your life… if not your whole life. You are living with strangers. You are sharing a bathroom with them… if not the rest of your hall… and you have never had as much homework in your entire life. It’s scary. Suddenly, you feel small. And you don’t really want to admit it, but you also feel lonely.

My church had warned us all–as it does all their graduating seniors–that in the next stage of life, we were going to experience LOAD. It was an acronym standing for Loneliness, Over-indulgence, Arrogance, and Depression. I figured I’d probably struggle with at least one of them, but not all… that was the arrogance talking. All three were at my doorstep everyday. It was hard. And it all came on so suddenly.

So here are the three things that got me through:

1.) Patience
Not a virtue as much as it is a necessity. 

The small Christian college I went to had a freshman orientation week… which heavily resembled my elementary school summer camp experience. We were placed in random groups (Free friends!) and forced to do trust exercises and team-building games. It wasn’t terrible. They took us to a ball game and to the beach. It was just… well, I didn’t connect with my group right away.There were also many bonding activities in the dorm during that week. I didn’t feel like I connected with any of the girls in my hall either.  I just wanted to find the sweet bookish girls who could dish out some snark and appreciate Frank Sinatra! There were plenty of people who were nice that I could eat meals with or sit next to in class, but they just… they weren’t like the close friends I had left behind.

But here’s the biz: I had had four years to build those relationships–some of them, much more than that. There was not an instant connection with many of those girls right away. We had to get to know each other and invest in those friendships to get them where they were.

About a month into school, I began to make deeper friendships. I found girls in my hall that liked many of the same things I did. People I could talk with about our shared struggles. Even in my sophomore year, the girls who had been in my assigned group that first week had become some of my closest friends.

It took time and I had to be intentional, but God provided so many wonderful relationships with people I cannot imagine my life with out. It didn’t happen that first week. I didn’t even meet two of my closest friends until the second semester of my sophomore year. 

Your tribe is out there. Just be willing to wait and don’t be afraid to just start talking with people. You never know what they may become to you in the future.

2.) Don’t be afraid to ask for help
I had two roommates my freshman year. One of them continued to be my roommate all through college and is one of my most favorite people ever. She is one of my closest friends and my polar-opposite in life, but living together just worked. The other roommate was a different story.

We came from very different backgrounds and did not see eye-to-eye on much. In the first month of living together, I was very stressed and overwhelmed, mainly because I had not had to deal with someone so difficult, so closely. 

I didn’t know what to do. The R.A. could not really step in, she could only mediate… and that wasn’t really getting us anywhere.

So I called my dad. I didn’t need him to step in. I was a big girl, I wanted to handle this as an adult. But I just needed his thoughts. His encouragement too. He was able to give me some wisdom and pray with me over the phone. (I also went to a school close enough from home that we were able to go to coffee during that time as well. Not many people have that blessing, but it was something I am very grateful for.)

Professors are a great source of help as well. Don’t be afraid to speak up when you don’t understand something. They are paid to teach students so take advantage of that. Don’t be afraid to make meetings or even just stop by their offices. Professors are great people to have in your corner. And they want to be in your corner. If they do not want to help out their students, then they are not very good at their jobs. Even if your school is very large, I think it is important to form a relationship with at least one of your professors in your time at school.

3.) Pray
I know, right? So predictable. But really. Pray for your roommate. They are struggling through this new stage and are probably lonely as well. Pray for the people you are meeting, as they are in the same boat too. Pray for the friends that you will make. Ask for deeper relationships, opportunities to serve people where they are. And don’t just pray, but invest in those relationships as well.

During my first month of school when the loneliness was at its heaviest, I remember I got our of class early and I went back to my room. I was just so dang alone that I began to break down. Rather than go to my next class, red-eyed and puffy-faced, I decided to spend some time with God. I began to pray that he would bring me a friend–even if it was just one. Someone who I could have a deep and wonderful relationship with. Someone I could hang out with when I wasn’t in class. Just someone who I could feel comfortable being myself with and they with me.

A couple weeks later, I decided to go to a dorm event, even though I only knew my roommates. And then I met her. My soul sister. Like seriously, we had tons in common, it was pretty ridiculous. There she was. That random girl I had been praying for, bookish and sweet and snarky, just like I had asked for. And she loved Frank Sinatra even more than I did. 

This is that fateful night! These girls are some
of the dearest people I met at school.

In fact, that night, I met most of the girls I would grow very close with over the following years. My prayer was meant plenty of times over with the many women I now call friend. I have never laughed so hard, cried with, or made so many memories as with the girls I met in college. God gives good gifts and he gives them in droves.

Just ask, seek, and knock, kid! He tells you to!

Again, the first semester is the hardest. It is also the one in which I learned the most. (And not in the classroom, because my classes were pretty brainless… I mean, it didn’t feel that way at the time, but what I wouldn’t give to have the homework load of my first semester!) It was hard. I cried a lot. I wanted to give up and go home where things were safe and easy. But there comes a time in your second semester that no one can really put their finger on when things become enjoyable. You have your people and a place on campus. You know who you can go to when things get rough and you understand how things work in your new home. You become thankful you didn’t throw in the towel because you are having fun and growing and it is so worth all of the hardship.

Best of luck to you friend! Don’t forget to write!

xo,
             –Lex

The Bachellorette: Love, Porn, and Reality

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Lex's World, Spirituality
The thing about guilty pleasures is that they tend to be embarrassing. For example, I am not a big reality TV fan. I’m still waiting for someone to explain the charm of Here Comes Honey Boo boo. And why exactly would anyone sign up to be on Naked and Afraid? Why watch people be stupid when I can watch Sherlock or Suits and be a better human for it? (Yes, my snobbery extends past tea…)

But here’s the rub: I love watching stupid people… and sappy stuff is not so bad either.

As such, it is with great embarrassment and chagrin that I confess that I have watched the entire ninth season of The Bachelorette. 

In many ways, it is like watching a car crash. You don’t want to see it, but you just can’t look away. Whoever thought of the concept of the show was either high or brilliant. Let’s take one woman and have her date twenty-five men. At once. And they live together. There is seriously no way things could get more troubling. Every Monday, I have been given a chance to kick back and watch everything go wrong. Tons of drama, not a ton of common sense.

So as I have been watching Desiree fall in love with Brooks (oof!) and be used by Ben and… that really muscly guy who’s name escapes me, and at last fall for Chris this past season, I have begun to notice some things about the show and some concerns it’s spurned. If you’re a fan of the show, understand that I can respect your interest (Notice I am in no place to judge. At all. Ever.) and also that I am sorting through what the show stirs up in me.

So, The Bachelorette: here is a woman with 25 men doing everything they can to get her attention. (Including showing up in a heinous homemade suit, or a suit of armor.) They travel to exotic locations. The men fight over her and for her. They will make fools of themselves in strange challenges in order to earn a date with her. They stab each other in the back and kiss up to her all to get a rose and stay there another week. She must do nothing but sit back and let them tear each other down to be with her. And the entire time, she is in complete control.

The show follows her through this journey and America is privy to the entire thing. I have seen more of this woman’s love life than I have anyone else’s. That’s a little weird to me, now that I think of it.

This is not reality. This is not how deep, intimate, lasting relationships work. And yet there is something attractive to me about this system. See, what I truly want is security and love; to be told I am lovely. There is a seed of honest goodness to this desire, but it has been twisted into something fearful. I want to control. I want men to just love me for no other reason than that I’m there. I want them to fight for me, if not over me. It is my sin nature that twists this in to a game of manipulation and control.

If there is anything each of the successful marriages I admire have in common, it is that they are real. There is give and take. There is struggle and sacrifice. There is respect and love. Real love. Not just sex and fire. Very little glamour and very minor drama. Manipulation and control have no place in them. And porn and the expectations it creates destroys the beauty of true love.
Despite all of this, I found myself envying Des’s position a bit. What would it be like to be desired by that many handsome men? To have them fight over you? To where beautiful dresses and travel to so many fantastic places? What would I do in her shoes? There was a longing stirred up. A need to lose myself in this fantasy because my reality was less pleasing.
So I guess I should get around to explaining the title a bit… It’s alright, you can put your eyebrows down.

Many who know me, know the phrase “emotional porn.” In short, it is porn for women. In long, it gets a little more complicated to explain. In general, we as women are driven more strongly by emotional rather than physical intimacy. (Like the old adage ‘men give love to get sex. Women give sex to get love’.) Emotional porn comes in many forms, but almost always through narrative. Romance novels are the most common, but also chick flicks. And reality TV. It is ultimately a story we can lose ourselves in. And yes, you can do that with any form of entertainment, but this is a little different. It is when you use the character as a thin veil for yourself. You are experiencing the narrative in a deeper way than just enjoying the story. You are experiencing the emotions for yourself. Not just in empathizing with the character, but involving yourself in what is happening in this fantasy world. It is a more desirable and romantic place to be. It is a preferred reality where we become more desirable, flirtatious, and loved in this fantasy. And then we return to reality as, well, us. We feel undesirable, unlovely, and unwanted on our return to the real world. And we will not be satisfied until we return to that fantasy once again.

It’s hard to explain, but I’m sure you’ve experienced it. These sorts of narratives are trending heavily in our media. Twilight is what I consider a prime example. Fifty Shades is a very overtly sexual example. The exponential growth in the erotica genre demonstrates the popularity of this type of porn.

If you’re not understanding, let me explain it this way. In these examples, the heroine has the adore of men. Usually multiple men. She has done nothing to earn their desire besides be present. She may not even be attractive or feel like she is anything special, but these men are crazy about her for absolutely no reason besides the fact that she is herself. (And that’s all fine and dandy! You have to be yourself in a relationship.) But not once does she have to sacrifice or face consequences of any lasting variety. The man makes the sacrifices. He moves heaven and hell to give the woman all she desires including himself. She gives up nothing. He gives up everything. There is very little real life involved.
True relationships require give and take for both parties. The man is not simply there to serve the woman and make her feel desirable at all turns. That is not even something a man can do. Sure he can tell you you are beautiful and make you feel special, but that affirmation will only be temporary. The longing we feel for relationships and desire can only come from one source. And I promise you, it is not a more perfect boyfriend… It is certainly not Edward Cullen.
You see, our question of “am I desirable?” cannot be answered fully through relationships, or books, TV, or other media. If we take our question to these sources, we will be deeply disappointed, or be fed a twisted lie that distorts our self-image. (This is essentially what porn does.) That question can only be answered completely by the creator. He is the only one who knows the answer to that question. The only one who’s answer will truly satisfy.

Now, I wish Desiree and Chris the best of luck in what could be a marriage, or a very public divorce. Only time will tell. For myself, I wish for a real relationship. One not driven by manipulation and control, but out of love and trust. 

I probably should also wish for less emotional porn in the world. But they announced during the season finale that Juan Pablo is returning as the next bachelor. I think this may be a tougher addiction to fight than initially believed…


Please feel free to comment! Ask questions, state your thoughts concerns, or disagreements. I would love to get some dialogue flowing here!

The Cardboard House

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Moving, My Life, New Seasons, Trust

My family has lived in the same house since I was nine months old. And now we are looking to move.

It’s weird. I cannot imagine not living here. The change will be exciting… Just weird.

To get ready for showings and make our hundred-year-old house look more spacious, we have begun to pack up our closets and storage areas. At the moment, it feels like everything is in boxes. The rooms are filled with them. We made countless trips to the storage area this weekend. Our house is becoming empty.

And we do not know if our house will sell that quickly or what house we even want to buy. My parents just feel it is time for a change and God is opening up the doors.

My dad is saying that this is a chance to step out on faith and just see what happens. It’s scary. The unknown is beckoning. It’s a hard call to accept. It will be great to have a larger room and spaces to entertain in. But for now, all we have is boxes.

It’s those seasons of unknown that bring about the greatest opportunities to trust. It is there God has met our family in wonderful and mysterious ways. It is there we have grown close with each other and with Him.

So yes, I am a little sad to move. Many of my evenings this month have been spent strolling down memory lane, flipping through old notebooks and photo albums before they go into boxes. So many things have happened here. Many memories I will always cherish.

But the new is exciting. The new will provide adventure and many many more memories. The new is filled with God’s blessing as well as his lessons for the four of us.

So here is to packing your world in a box and going on an adventure with nothing but faith… and boxes.

Worries of an Infidel

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Faithfulness, My Life, Peace, Trust
It’s not only wrong to worry. It’s infidelity.
–Oswald Chambers

The truth of this statement makes me one of the most unfaithful people I know. Worry is my most time-invested hobby. Wish it wasn’t, but it is.


It starts out with something as simple as “I’m going to be finished with school in four months.” It’s a simple fact. Not a fret, not really even a worry. And then I really start to show off. 

“Well, that means I’ll have to get another job.” My inner-fretter replies.
“Yes. Yes it will,” I confirm.

“But I am not qualified for another job. At least not a better one. At least with this one, I don’t work nights or weekends.”The worry-wort inside my head clucks her tongue in disappointment.

“Yeah. That is nice. I might have to give those up. That would suck.”

“And then I wouldn’t have time to be with my friend’s or even do my laundry! I’ll be friendless and my clothes will stink of sweat from two weeks ago.”

“I don’t want to be smelly and alone,” I say, the dread beginning to sink in.

“Well that’s probably how I’m going to end up anyway. I’m done with school. I missed the love boat. I’m going to die smelly and alone whether I like it or not. And now I’ll have a job I’ll hate on top of it all!” She becomes hysterical.

“And I’ll be smelling and alone, working a job I’ll hate while living in my parent’s basement!!!!” I say, rising to her level of panic.

“I will have to buy a cat because it will be the only creature that can stand to be with me!” she cries.

“But I hate cats!” I moan.

And then we cry, eat our feelings, and watch Titanic for the ten billionth time because it is the only movie we can identify with in the current state of our life.

And that’s how I waste my weekends.

Alright, not totally, but it is not out of the ordinary. (Though Titanic is not usually my movie of choice. I find myself hoping it won’t sink this time and I am continually disappointed.) So much of my time becomes wrapped up in what is going to happen and the thousands of ways it can go wrong. The present is not a place I can often exist in because I am consumed with worry over the future and sometimes the past. Very little of my self-talk is concerned with living in the present and trusting God with the future.

I ran across the Oswald Chambers’ quote yesterday in my quiet time and was struck by the truth of the statement. I worry all the time. Something God tells us not to do. But not only am I worrying when I’m not supposed to, I am not trusting him.

Worrying is my way of taking control over my circumstances. I give up His peace that I may try and make some peace of my own. Only I’m fooling myself because I cannot possibly control everything in my life, nor can I bring a sense of peace to my circumstance. It will never happen.

It is only when I am trusting my father with my life that peace comes. Even in the midst of hurt, turmoil, or loss, his peace is there because it is not bound by circumstance or logic. It just is.

So this week I am going to try and focus on faithfulness. Worrying is not a hobby I should feed. It’s prayer and trust I should be investing my time in.


Praying your journey is blessed by peace–not worry,
xo,
             –Lex

Proof-Reading: A Public Apology

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Art Philosophy, Writing Thoughts

So Monday’s post was… alright.

I wrote it and felt pretty good about it. At least the content. And then Monday at noon rolled around and I realized I forgot to proof-read.

“It’ll be fine,” I thought.

Lies. It was not fine. Between redundancy, some jumbled thoughts, and, frankly, some crappy craft, I find myself embarrassed when I read it back later that night. That is not the kind of quality I want to bring to you.

So after thinking over it, I would first like to apologize, and then talk about the modern miracle that is proof-reading! So folks, I’m sorry I gave you some unclean reading. (Which will be fixed right after I complete AND proof-read this post.)

Now, proof-reading:

It’s not brain science, but it’s not something I get excited to do. Just once, I want what I write to be perfect. No questions, no qualms. Just perfect. But it doesn’t work that way.

But I’m lazy. I wrote the gosh-darn thing! Why do I want to read it? Well, I thought over it and this is what I came up with.

I firmly believe that art is a way to serve my neighbor. If my work makes you happy, thoughtful, or inspired, I feel it has served it’s purpose. I have been able to provide you with a small bit of art for your journey. It is a gift.

So why would I give you a crappy gift? Why would I offer you something for your pleasure that was broken or incomplete? Art is a gift from the artist to their neighbor. It is an act of love that is supposed to echo the artist’s Creator through their created. I want that echo to be worthy, not only of my creator, but also of you.

Proof-reading is an act of love for our readers. It’s not glamorous or flashy, but it makes a huge difference! (And are true, everyday acts of love really that glamorous or flashy?… perhaps this will be a topic for later!) It is an act of service to those who will take the time to sit down and read our work.

I want this blog to be a small piece of my art for you to enjoy. And I want that art to be crafted as an act of love. As such, I want to proof-read for you. I don’t want to lazily throw this together. This is a platform where I get to serve you on a weekly basis and I want to do so well.

So again, I am sorry for the quality of yesterday’s post.

Also, a lot of these thoughts are not my own, but are influenced by a few art philosophers. These thoughts in particular are inspired by Calvin Seerveld’s, Bearing Fresh Olive Leaves. (I want to do a series on this book in the future, so keep an eye out.)

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate the support I have received from all of you.

Keep enjoying the journey!

Trust and Tubing

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Creative Nonfiction, Fear, My Life, Travel, Trust, Writing Samples

I have live in Michigan my entire life. Born and raised in the Great Lakes State and not once have I been tubing until this year. Sad but true  and to be honest, I have never felt like I was missing out on much.


I felt forced into it. I was leading on a church trip, house-boating on Dale Hollow Lake, and one of the students found out I was a tubing virgin. This was apparently a crime, so I was soon caroused into my swimsuit and forced into a life jacket that was a bit too big. If not uncomfortable. Standing at the stern of the houseboat, waiting for the speedboat to come pick me up, I couldn’t think up one decent reason for plunking out of this. 

But it was too late and the student I was going with just had to tell the driver that it was my first time tubing. And that was met with a devilish smile and a “Oh, we’ll make sure it’s a good one then.”

Crap.

That was along the lines of what I was thinking as I swam out and climbed onto the tube. Or at last it had four letters and the same general meaning. I crossed arms across the tube with the student, white-knuckling the handles. She assured me doing it this way would help us keep each other on. I didn’t think the ninety pounds of her was going to keep all five foot ten of me on anything.

And then the boat took off. And it was fun at first. Speeding up, turning onto the main lake. And then we actually started going.

Crap.

This was not what I had signed up for. I felt rigid on the tube, trying my best to keep my knees on the flying circle and my swimsuit bottoms on my hips. My jaw kept beating onto the tube no matter how hard I tried to hold my head up. My teeth were clenched, which probably didn’t help the repeating blows. My toes felt like they were going to be ripped off my feet as they bounced into the water with each run over the boat’s wake.

Did you know giving a thumbs up does not mean that you are doing okay? That it actually means you want to go faster? Because I did not know that. It also didn’t help that some punk kid on the tube next to ours yelled to the driver, “You drive like a lady!”

Crap.

My arms were about to tear out of my sockets and I imagined flailing off the tube and not having arms to swim with. We flew continually back and forth over the wide wake of the speed boat. I began to slip over the side of the tube. I could hardly work my way back to safety as we whisked all over the unforgiving water. I could hardly feel my arms. I think I pulled a muscle in my neck. I think I peed a little. 

They probably don’t recommend this in any manual in small group leadership, but all I could manage to shout to the girl next to me was, “I hate you! I hate you. I. Hate. You.”  I couldn’t think of anything else. This was becoming a test of survival. What ever it took, I had to stay on this tube or else I was going to die!!!!!

And then the ninety pounds shoved me off the tube.

I hit the water with a smack and skidded a bit before coming to a halt. 

Checking immediately to make sure my arms still worked, I then shoved them beneath the water. Where they there? I felt around my waist. My bottoms had begun to fall, but were in a reachable, fixable distance down my legs.

And the boat turned slowly to come retrieve me.

My arms began to relax, turning to rubber, humming with soreness as I began to paddle back to the boat. Relief filled me as I realized I was going to live to see lunch. My life was not over!

There was great comfort–after the melodrama had cleared–in realizing that the driver and another passenger in the boat had been keeping an eye on us all along. Their intent was not to throw me off the tube (Though I strongly suspect  that yes, in fact, it was…), but to take me on a ride.

I felt like a cheese-head as my ever-connecting brain began to knit the parallels here. See, I have recently come off of a year of, well, crap. A lot of loss and struggle, but God was present in it all. Tough to find in the moment, but in hindsight, so ridiculously present, I can’t believe I missed it. For a lot of that season, it felt like I was holding on for dear life as I was jostled, beat up, and thrown around. I was tired and scared. But I made it. Because God was watching. Because he cared. And it didn’t just end when I didn’t like where the ride was taking me. It didn’t end because of his lack caring. No. He cared too much about me and my character and my relationship with him. He wasn’t putting me through that season to throw me off into hopeless oblivion. He was taking me on a ride. 

He promises he will not put us through more than we can handle. He does not promise he wouldn’t bring us up to the screaming edge of the cliff, but he has told us we will not topple over the edge. It is in those moments, looking desperately over the cliff’s edge that I begin to see God clearly. Because I’m not distracted by me or my wants. I am given a full view of his love. I am shown how deeply and vastly he desires relationship with me, desires my trust.

So it is safe to say I am never tubing again. But I am thankful for the living metaphor. The feeling and the reminder that I can trust even when my arms can’t take it any more. When I’m flying off into the unknown, not even knowing if my pants are on right. God’s got it. Both in the physical and the metaphorical… though I think the pants are my responsibility…

Friday Favorites: July

Posted on by Lex De Weese in Recommendations

Today I’m trying out something new. I’d like to have a once a month post on Friday’s featuring some awesome that’s stumbled into my life. I’ll admit it, I’m kind of a stamp tramp. If I find something I like, I’m ready to recommend it to everyone. So I have my picks for the month and I have my stamp ready to tramp, so here are the favorites for July!

1.) Songza

For the first two, I’m stealing recommendations from my friend Brittney. She introduced me to this awesome music website. Usually when I’m at work, I have Pandora going at my desk. Thing is, after a while, Pandora gets really repetitive. Enter Songza! You enter what time of day it is, what you’re doing, and what you’re in the mood for and you are given a playlist based on that information. A couple of my favorite playlists are “Songs from Apple Commercials” and “That Sweet Mumford Melancholy.” And like Pandora, it’s free. Not like Pandora, It’s commercial free! If you have an account or sign up for one, you can follow me; my handle is aldeweese.

2.) Stabilo

Brittney has also always had these amazing pens I’ve lusted after since I met her. I finally bought a set of my own and they are worth every penney. (BTDubs, they do not cost very many pennys. My set cost about $13 on amazon.) They are a fine tip colored marker made by a German company. The colors are vibrant and make really neat lines. You can purchase your own here!

3.)Herman’s Boy Chai

I’m a loose leaf junky… and a chai addict. Combine the two and there is no way I can turn down a good set of leaves! In my small hometown, I frequent Herman’s Boy Coffee Ranch. Located in an old farmhouse, the shop itself has a wonderful, sunny atmosphere and the best price for drinks I’ve seen anywhere. I have never spent more than three dollars on any of their specialty drinks. Not only do they have a great coffee shop, but they have a splendid selection of loose leaf teas. (And yes, they have coffee, but I don’t like coffee and this is my blog!;-] ) This month, I decided it was time to try out their chai and I was not disappointed. It has a wonderful spicy flavor and makes a mean latte. I may never purchase Tazo again! Plus it’s from a local company and you can’t beat that.

4.)  Canturbury Classics

While on the writing retreat with the Inklyrks this month, we were at a bookstore where I found the most beautiful leather-bound editions of some classics. They are published my Canterbury Classics from Thunder Bay Press. The edition is World Cloud Classics. They offer many popular classics such as Pride & Prejudice, Les Miserables, and The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. For myself, I purchased The Count of Monte Cristo, one of my all-time favorites. Each of these books features a soft leather cover with quotes engraved around the title. They books are all beautiful and colorful and I think a great way to build up the classics section of your home library.


5.) The Joy Dare


Ann Voskamp is a wonderfully profound author and blogger. (You can check her out at A Holy Experience.) I find great thinking material for my journey from her daily postings. Part of her writing focuses on finding he simple gifts in the every day. As part of her blog, she offers a joy dare which is an opportunity to find three gifts a day for a year as an exercise in finding the joy in all circumstances. I am a fairly negative person and was becoming bothered by the behavior. In search of a way to shift my attitude toward gratitude, I found the joy dare and have been incredibly blessed by it. I highly recommend checking it out.

So those are my five favorites from the month of July! Check ’em out and tell me what you think!